Blog -Blond

Strange Girls--Strange Days

2011-11-03T22:44:00.000-07:00

Class: As you know by now, I'm proud to be your STRANGE teacher.

And I promise you I'll continue to be your STRANGEST most blondalicious teacher offering you the most brilliant & stupid blog tips ever! Demented, bizarre, eccentric and unpredictable---these are accolades to me!

Today I'm going to answer some of your email questions--I hope they offer you edification as well as satisfy your curiosity about me.

Q: Why didn't you post my comment linking to my blog?
A: Spammers aren't tolerated in my class, unless they afford me mirth & most don't.

Q: Why don't you put advertising on your blog?
A: Way too messy for chump change. (But that may change...)

Q: Who is your favorite humor blogger?
A: Without a doubt the Bloggess is the goddess in this genre. But dontcha tell her I said so--she's already got a Mother Teresa complex. Enough already with her delusions of grandeur.

Q: Do you really drink that much?
A: Only on Fridays, Saturdays and Wednesdays. Who in their right mind could write
a post like this without help from the devil water? *oh, waiter---bring another round for us!*

Q: When is your memoir going to be released?
A: Once it's published, and that's not easy these days with the publishing biz in disarray. The good ol boyz hog the lucrative contracts. The good news is this breed is dying. May they rest in peace sooner than later.

Q: What do you watch on tv?
A: Stephen Colbert & John Stewart are my favorite comic hunks.

Q: Who inspires you?
A: My Mother who gave birth to me all alone as a teenage runaway mom by an isolated lake late at night. This story will be in my memoirs--very touching stuff.

That's all for now! Don't forget to check the weird & wonderful stuff I post every day on my Tumblr blog Booyah.

The Seven Laws We Can't Outrun

2011-10-27T20:17:00.001-07:00

Class, I was pondering the whys and wherefores recently. This was a little more complicated than Uncle Remus stories for I went DEEP into the mysteries of why things are the way they are.

In this process, I finalized my notes which I'd like to share with you as they pertain to blogging tips and humor since these two are the focus of this blog: Blogging For Dummies.

Here are the Immutable Blogging Laws as I see them as a seasoned pro (they'll probably change in a nanosecond since I dared to write the word 'immutable', but oh well. What can I say but the faeries often love to mess with us!)

1. The Law of Attraction: The more you post photos or write about t. & a., sexual innuendos, snark, humor and/or controversial topics, the more hits your posts will get as evidenced by stats. (Hence the gratuitous image posted here. Hey, I may be blond/blonde, but stupid...not always!)

2. The Law of Beauty: People wanna ogle beautiful things, people, animals, etc. People crave beauty...lust for beauty...will die for beauty.

3. The Law of Ego: The more you flaunt your ego in posts, print or media, the more the opposite force will take you down. You can bank on it. The more obvious you are with your braggadocio, the funnier it is when you tank. This law is as old as cavemen. Who would you rather see slip on the classic banana peel: a banker, Wall Street broker or little old lady?!

4. The Law of Lost and Found: I've begun many a blog in my day and when the passion was strong, I posted like a maniac. Then one day I would awake and discover the passion was gone and stop posting. There are many of my lost blogs in the blogosphere growing quite dusty I imagine. And then SURPRISE, someone will leave a comment on one of my posts. The law is that anything you put up on the net is NEVER EVER lost--these may be forgotten by you, but somebody will find them. If there is anything you wish you'd never written, you can 100 % count on it!

5. The Law of Offense: This law especially applies to humor bloggers. Trust me. If you write anything, there will be someone who doesn't like what you have to say. But it also applies to blogging in general. Put on your Bossy Pants and Rhino Gear when you post.

6. The Law of Karma: Whatever you post always comes back to you! The boomerang effect is in action every moment, every moment. This is why I always have funny, weird stuff happen to me. I'm the cause of my effect. Don't forget to subscribe to my Booyah Tumblr in this regard.

7. The Law of Scratch My Back I'll Scratch Yours: When you help someone out with a plug, inevitably there will be some scratching. Good, yummy scratching.
In this regard, I received an email from a blogger I've always admired, and it read:

"I have enjoyed your site for the longest time. I was hoping you will give me a little plug for my site called Paperback Charlie Brown. It's a cool little parody site and already got some great reviews online. I would love to be on your site. Take a quick glance at my site at Paperback Charlie Brown

. There is something for everybody. It's Peanuts with a twist."

Who knows when my scratch-back will happen, but it's a LAW. It has to happen!

Over and out from Your Blondalicious Teacher!

Blessed Are The Cracked

2011-10-10T18:45:00.000-07:00

CLASS: Does it seem to you that the world is becoming crazier and crazier every day?

Have you marveled at the growing number of people/groups/nations acting-out and demanding change and/or demonstrating intense hostility?

Have you wanted to mix it up with some of these change movements and participate as an activist for change in the Occupy Movement?

Or are you more like your blondalicious teacher retreating from the intensity and watching anything funny you can find online or on tv after self-medicating?

There's never been a time when laughter is more needed to lighten the load.

And if you have a finely developed sense of humor such as myself, there are so many things which make you laugh. If you've subbed to my Tumblr Blog, Booyah, then you know what I mean. What? You've not subscribed yet?! Gitouttahere!

I find myself running to Tumblr and Booyah four-five times a day now to restore my sanity through retarded humor.

As the Light of Humor filters through the layers of distress, I breathe again and can resume shopping, bitching, and dare I say--even blogging.

Blessed Fruitcakes....Blessed Cracked Ones...Blessed Funny Men & Women...Blessed Humor Bloggers...Blessed Comedians--you are my salvation!

Ya see, I have to have the LIGHT! The dark is far too scary!

Obligations Are So Yesterday

2011-10-03T15:40:00.000-07:00

Class: Your Blondalicious Teacher has something to get off her massive chest today, and I'm sure this is something you can resonate with: OBLIGATION.

Now since you know I'm a very free-spirited & slightly spoiled blogger/artist/jetsetter, I've never liked obligations and have done my best to avoid them most of my life. They're so tiresome. However, due to events outside my control (and yours), I'm often required to be pc and play along. (when the cows come home with fingers & toes crossed)

One of the obligations I most detest is returning phone calls.

As a child of the internet & text generation, I'd most prefer to reply via email or text-- either of these reply methods is much easier because they give you time to think of an 'out' to an invite or whatever--plus you don't get ambushed as easily as you do when on the phone and someone surprises you before you've had a chance to think up a lie.

Another obligation I quite dislike is returning the favor of commenting on another's blog. Now I know this isn't kosher to admit, but I'm admitting it anyway. I like to comment when I feel like it, but not because I'm supposed to do so. Actually, I played the comment game for many years as a diligent blogger & made many wonderful friendships this way, but after awhile, it became an OBLIGATION.

So I checked myself into Obligation Rehab and shed that time consuming habit. Now I've got many more hours in my day to screw around and be lazy--my preferred modality.

Recently I had another obligation test when I ran into an old friend & she suggested we do lunch. She told me to call her. Have I called her back? One guess.

This person obviously doesn't know I've proudly stepped into and embraced my Bitch Hood!

But I digress...what I want you my faithful readers and deliciously naughty students to know is that I give a rat's a$$ if you comment or don't comment or read my posts. I write them for whomever happens to be so bored as to land here and takes the time to learn & laugh.

I release you from all obligations. You are free to tiptoe on by even though I can see your tracks.

We are free. Now doesn't that feel better?!

High Five Fiverrs

2011-09-26T17:41:00.000-07:00

Class: I've returned to laud the praises of my newest passion: Fiverr.

As you know from following my Tumblr Blog "Booyah", I adore the weird, the bizarre, and the outrageous.

However, as you also know your blondalicious teacher is easily bored!

Thus, I've plowed my way through many a humor blogger, conspiracy website & forums, games, Flickr, Twitter, StumbleUpon, Plurk, tumblr, etc. etc. etc.

I suppose it all began with eBay. There was a lot of JUNK and STUFF there which kept me amused & titillated for a period of time, but alas, I grew weary of buying & bidding--especially when I usually win!

So it is with great delight to discover the bargain basement of yummy weirdness called Fiverr--and these treats and gifts are offered for ONLY five dollars!

I adore the weirdness of the offerings, but thus far, I've refrained from purchasing anything. After all, I really don't need anything as I'm already rich, beautiful, healthy, and famous. (alert: total B.S. Actually I'm retarded, lonely and write this from my prison cell. Errr....ok, neither of these are true. But so what?!) But I digress...

If you want to have some laughs or waste more internetz time, then I suggest Fiverr.

Who knows...maybe I'll join and have my pet lion (see earlier post!) have your logo sign carried by him as he hunts down his quarry.

It'll be messy but memorable marketing!

Are Bloggers More Likely To Have Sex On A First Date??

2011-09-12T19:49:00.000-07:00

Class: I stumbled a news story today on my StumbleUpon page which made me pause and go 'hmmmmm'.

The article stated that as a result of a survey done by a UK dating service they have determined that overweight women & athletic men are more likely to have sex on a first date.

And what about bloggers I asked myself?

Maybe we should break this down a bit as there are many kinds of bloggers.

Would an overweight athletic lesbian blogger be more likely to have sex on the first date? Would a whacko humor blogger be more game to get it on? And what about an educated bicycling male blogger who wears a furry animal headdress and dances around the house dressed in a cape made from lettuce leaves?

I have so many questions now that I've read this research.

And what are your thoughts about bloggers?

Are we easy or queasy about sex on a first date?

Blog Naked

2011-09-09T15:20:00.000-07:00

Class: Michael J. Fox recently spoke The Truth on Letterman when he said this about show business:

Fox said, "Show business: We're all here because we're not all there!"

The same can equally be said about blogging because we're a form of show biz.

Some of us bloggers are Already Gone if you know what I mean. :-)

Ya see, my naughty students, the more outrageous, the more transparent, the more NAKED you are in your posts, the more you take risks and speak in your own authentic voice, the more you thumb your nose at MEDIOCRITY, then you are much more intriguing to me and others.

Boring blogs are proliferating at an exponential rate. It's almost more fun to read the news these days. Almost.

My lesson today is to dare...to cross-dress...to undress... and to re-dress this increasing trend to boring posts. BLOG NAKED puhlease!!!!

Give some sass. But don't be an a$$.

And don't forget to subscribe to my daily updated funny Tumbler Booyah.

What I Wore Today--Blog-Blond Style

2011-08-30T21:45:00.000-07:00

Class: Have you seen or contributed to the oh-so-popular "What I Wore Today" meme?

If not, check this meme out. It's quite fun in a silly, girly way. Flickr even has a group for it.

Because your very own blondalicious teacher is something of a 'silly girl', I decided to do a collage of my very own "What I Wore Today" because so many of you email me and ask me what I wear--especially what I wear when I post drunk.

Because your teach was once again 'hammered' when I scanned my collage, it came out tipped to one side. That's what happens when you're tipsy. Don't make my mistake, ya hear!

This collage is an ode to conspicuous consumption, and there is a very profound meaning to the watch placed over my head. (Hiccup!)

I had to add my pet lion, Ginger, in a separate scan because I screwed up when I was scanning. Ginger is my fav fashion accessory of the moment...much better than a yappy chihuahua. Eh?

Betcha didn't know your blondaliciou teacher is much more than a humorist--did ya? I don't spend all my time on Tumblr. I also shop from time to time. Check out my Squidoo here and here.

What do you think about What I Wore Today?????

You're Not All That Or One Good Reason To Blog Drunk

2011-08-20T19:46:00.000-07:00

How has your year been going class? Have you been having pain AND gain like your teacher?

My mantra this past year has been: You win some...you loose some!

Yep, every time your blondalicious teacher turned around---there it was again: winning following losing--- followed by celebrations followed by grieving... and on and on. This was my "lesson" from the universe...and yes, this lesson is ongoing.

And while I'm at it: why not throw another oh- so- fab truth/cliche into this post: Every Rose Has Its Thorn!

I'm ready to have the saying You Win Some You Lose Some on my forehead so that every time I look in the mirror I won't hesitate to remind myself to NOT get too cocky OR too sad--for these will inevitably change in a NY city second.

So now that you've read about my dicey year, here's your new lesson, my naughty students:

You may recall I've always cautioned you not to blog and drink at the same time. And certainly, never drink AND drive!

However, after observing the success of Jersey Shore, the Housewives franchise and other reality shows, I've reluctantly changed my mind about blogging and drinking.

For it seems the crazier you act....the crazier you dress...and the crazier you reveal your AUTHENTIC self, the more success you will have!

Of course, this formula doesn't take into account the 99 percent of those who end up in the mental ward, jail or rehab....or sitting on a rainbow on the Other Side. And yet, the odds are vastly improving for achieving success with a LITTLE crazy thrown in to the mix.

(Preface for obvious reasons: This IS a humor blog--even though its theme is blogging.)

With that said, BOTTOMS UP! Throw caution to the wind! Get hammered and then hammer those computer keys with your drunken talent!

Why not let your Pain be your Gain???

Why not let your frenemies feel your sting? They're REALLY NOT ALL THAT! And you righteously owe them a good feet to the coals in your posts, eh?

Why not risk it & be your authentic self?

It's much safer to 'write it' then to 'act out' IRL is my sage counsel.

Plus you won't be so d***** boring to read. :-)

Errr...what's that I hear you asking?

Have I been drinking & blogging?

Answer: Move over Housewives.

There's a new drunk in town.

P.S. Even when you're wasted, change names to protect yo sweet a$$.

P.P.S. Don't forget to check out my Tumblr. Click here for more weird humor.

Tumblr Done Me In

2011-01-25T18:38:00.000-08:00

Class: I know I've been absent for a long, long time.

BUT this time I have a valid excuse! Ya see, I've re-invented myself on Tumblr.

Oh sure, I've had OTHER Tumblrs, but not one which is expressly suited for my weird sense of blondalicious humor like my new one: Booyah.

Now you no longer have to pine for me! You can find me every day with silly, stupid, weird, outrageous, awesome posts! Some of it is my own, but most of it is discovered and reblogged.

Now you can discover how truly WEIRD & FABULOUS your blondalicious blog teacher is!

So if you've ever had a sleepless night thinking about your blondalicious blogging teacher, go to Booyah and laugh a little or a lot with me. You can even ask me a question (if you also have a tumblr and follow me), and possibly--but not probably--I might reply.

And not to worry--I'm keeping this blog for that rare occasion when I actually want to use those archaic things called words.

Three Thanksgiving Dreams

2010-11-20T13:23:00.000-08:00

Class: I decided it's TIME to check-in. I have Three Thanksgiving Dreams to share with you.

I'm still rocking it, and every now and then I peek-in on you. Yes, I EVEN read your posts. Not everyday--but every now and then when I need a good laugh. You're good, so good. You make me proud!

Feeling less abandoned? There...there! I'll always return to you, my naughty students.

Since the holiday of gratitude is nearly here, it feels appropriate to show up and post.

However, my desire is to whine and complain.

Seriously--don't you want to bitch a little too? Must we follow protocol and eat turkey & dressing with cranberry sauce and be such Good Little Bloggers?

Nah! Not us! Not my followers and readers! We're a bit different, eh?!

If you're like me, you've either got family or extended family/friends going through some hard times right now. Or maybe you're experiencing your own challenges?

If you're like me, you might feel like kicking a little a**.

If you're like me, you want the crazy to go away--for good! Or at least for 1,000 years.

If you're like me, you wanna order "snickers with hot fudge gravy". Just for the hell of it.

Amongst many subjects which are troubling/irritating/surreal/disgusting/bizarre/infuriating:

TSA...banks...money...cholera...bullies...foreclosures...poverty...famine...wars
...and last but not least, Dancing With The Stars! I mean...seriously!!!! WTF!

Thanksgiving is *supposed* to be a time for counting our blessings and feeling gratitude, right?

Yes, I feel grateful as I'm healthy, fabulous, gorgeous, sexy, rich, generous, kind, loving, blah blah blah. No, I don't feel grateful for the misfortunes of others and the state of the world. Since we're all ultimately connected as the Internets have so clearly confirmed, how can I be happy when there's so many desperate, disowned and discouraged people?!

What can bloggers do besides sign online petitions, vent, disclose, donate and whistleblow?

If we bloggers are indeed the agents of change we imagine ourselves to be, isn't there something more we can do? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.

Oh yeh, I forget. Most of my readers don't comment. Instead, my devoted students email me because they don't want their names to show up on my blog. *Fear* Heh heh. I get it.

Nevermind.

Back to the topic at hand...

My Thanksgiving Dream is for everyone to have their own Oprah Santa.

My Thanksgiving Dream is for all to be free, be fed, be loved, & be fully, outrageously ALIVE!

My Thanksgiving Dream is for celebrations to spread across the lands as we Break On Through To The Other Side and Remember Who We Truly Are.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Oh, and don't forget:

Free Report: The BIG Solution to All Your Problems

Just kidding...

Things I Just KNOW

2010-01-30T16:37:00.001-08:00

Class, I've been thinking lately. Sometimes that's what I do: think. Amazing, eh?

And since I've been thinking, here some of my rambling thoughts. I'm calling this subject: Things I Just Know.

Pertinent to this 'knowing', here are a couple of things I just KNOW about how this blog, Blog-Blond, is perceived:

1. Disappointment

People surf here most likely thinking they've discovered a s/m blog or a sex blog--they're mystified to discover a humor/satire blog which gives useful blog tips! They read on, and they scratch their heads, and they leave thinking WTF. (I love this part...really I do--lure them in with a sexy header, tease them, and then teach them something! Snap!)

2. Curiosity

Who's this blond babe with the weird sense of humor and celebrity friends? Is she really a blog teacher? What are her credentials? Does her Uncle Vinnie make house calls? Why does she post so infrequently? Is she truly back from the dead?

3. Bewilderment

What kind of blog is this?!

Answer: a humor blog! Most often there is included one or more HOT BLOG TIPS.

And I can't blame people for being confused about this blog, my postings and/or me, the blondalicious one, because this blog and me are a mass of contradictions:

Surly....yet friendly

Ambitious.... yet lazy

Naughty... yet conservative

Eager to teach...yet cranky

Creative...yet redundant

Brilliant... yet lame

Controlling ....yet allowing

Easily bored....yet patient

Wise....yet surprisingly dumb sometimes

Freaky. Snarky but sweet. Earthy... Petulant.... One of these is true. Your call.

Gentle with critters but savage with egos.

Blogs whenever she feels like it...usually around a New or Full Moon.

I might not be such a slacker blogger were a sponsor/publisher appear on my doorstep come to woo me with a movie/book deal, but alas, none of these has happened. Yet.

Speaking of offers, I was approached by a producer recently who had read my posts and thought I'd be a great candidate for his upcoming reality show, but I JUST KNOW this wouldn't work. I like total control/domination, and unless it was MY production, fuhgeddaboudit!

With that said, are ya ready for your HOT JUICY BLOG TIP?

Because here it comes for those looking for links...

These folks emailed me: Perhaps you may wish to check them out: Linknami

My second blog tip:

Luck is 90 % perspiration and 10 % grace. And yes, I stole that from someone. So if ya wanna be successful online, work it baby!

My third tip: Remember to floss. I like strong teeth.

Three ReasonsTo Return From The Blog Graveyard

2010-01-14T14:48:00.000-08:00

Class: After many pleading emails from you, I've decided to make a brief appearance and give you one hot blog tip. Yes, I'm posting again, but with much sadness!

Ya see, many of my favorite blogs have disappeared off the map! Like your blondalicious teacher (who nearly vanished herself!), many of my favorite blogs have returned to the great Blog Graveyard in cyberspace.

When I was updating my funny blogs Squidoo lens recently, I was shocked and dismayed to discover many missing blogs. Melancholia swept over me. Where did the bloggers go who used to make me laugh or sneer or cringe or....?

Some of these bloggers may now be flipping burgers...or even worse, they may be writing screenplays in Hollywood. Putain! (I feel safe using this last expletive since most of you don't read French and most people don't read my blog anymore either!)

Then I remembered I hadn't updated Blog-Blond since August, and I was one of the M.I.A.! Where had the time gone??? I haven't been flipping or slaving for the man. What was my alibi? Gasp! I too was in the Blog Graveyard!

And did I desire to return From The Blog Graveyard????? Did I have anything more to teach you--my deliciously naughty students?

It was this last question which brings me to post here today. I can't fit everything into my *much different* Twitter, Facebook, Plurk and Squidoo pages. This is why blogs are still valuable: I can ramble on for as long as I wish and BE the blondalicious Blog-Blond!

If I wish to rant, teach, seduce, beguile, or tease you, I need a blog! This is my reason NUMERO UNO to return and post.

My Reason Number Two: I've many slavish fans who depend upon my preposterous, retarded humor to make them laugh. No other blond will do OR so they say. (A Tiger story if there ever was one!) In these harsh times, any laugh is worth it's weight in gold.

My Reason Number Three is to instruct you. I've learned a thing or two in the years I've been online, and why not share my knowledge?

With Number Three in mind, here's my Hot Blog Tip of the Year: sign up for Nutshell Mail if you're on Twitter, Facebook, or MySpace.

Nutshell Mail will save you loads of time dealing with some of the nut cases you'll meet, especially the ones who follow you with the intention of dumping/unfollowing you to build up their numbers.

Nutshell Mail gives you the lowdown several times a day direct to your email about who your new followers and unfollowers are. It gives me great satisfaction to return the favor asap to the unfollowers. Here's what N.M. says about the 'WHY' on their homepage: "The busy social networker who doesn't have time to hang out online all day."

Does that sound like you? The busy social networker? Yep, thought so! Me too! That's why N.M. has been such a Goddess-Send!

To summarize: you'll see me again....read my posts again...not to worry. I love sharing hot blog tips! I love Retro! I love you!

Ciao!

What I Did This Summer

2009-08-14T16:41:00.001-07:00

Class, I'm interviewing myself about what I did this summer since I'll ask much juicier questions. Finally, you'll know!

Listen Up and read up on what your scandalous, blondalicious teacher REALLY did this summer!

FYI: Blog-Blond is a HUMOR blog disguised as a blog school for those who just surfed here. If my answers are too much for you to handle, remember this important detail. That's all. Grow up.

You just got back from vacation? Where were you?

Paris of course! I always run to Paris when I have a hot, new lover as this is THE best city for folly and fooling around. Then we moved on to Ibiza for even more folly.

What else have you been up to this summer?

I just completed my second Squidoo lens about fashion and style. I call it "Best Fashion and Style Photo Blogs."

When I was super young, I modeled...so I know the fashion world well. I still like to keep up with fashion. Many of my dearest friends swim in this exciting, shark- infested world.

Many people don't get fashion--they judge fashion as superficial. But this is a deception.

Fashion and style mafias rule the world, dontcha know? Most people are ill informed on this subject, and they think oil and big pharma rule. They're sadly mistaken...the biggest wars are Image Wars.

My walk-in closet is very well-organized, and I've got a great collection of hand bags from around the world. They're my main collectible. Most of these have been gifted to me, and some are one of a kind.

I also spent time on roller coasters. Roller coasters are a lot like my blogging habit: up and down and around and guaranteed to get my heart racing when I finally sit down to write/embellish/lie/bs/fib.

What do you like to do to unwind?

I cook up a storm. My stove has had it though, and I'm eagerly awaiting the arrival of a new one I ordered which has an easy-clean bottom so that when something flops when it shouldn't flop, I won't have to clean up the mess around the coils. This easy cleaning feature was the deal breaker. My dishes have been known to flop like my jokes. Just kidding. Ok...no, I'm not.

Do you enjoy twittering?

Absolutely NOT-- Twitter has been taken-over by spammers and celebrities and quotation freak-a-zoids. I include myself in this last category because quotes are easy and friendly. (I'm quite sure I'm offending my twits as I write this, but REMEMBER this is a humor blog!) In truth, I've met some awesome twits through Twitter, and I'm extremely grateful for Twitter. Does this last sentence read *nicer*? Ha!

I see you've hooked up your Stumbleupon and Friendfeed account to Twitter.

This is a huge time-saver for me. Now I can keep my Twitter frequently updated. I advise all lazy or busy twits to do the same. See, I just gave you a hot twitter tip!

Do you have anything else useful to share?

Life is short. Live in the Now! Laugh often. Be kind. Dance and sing and play and don't take everything so seriously.

For my fellow ministers/fans/stalkers, I found an image just for you:

This post will go on "Humor-blogs.com".

How To Do Blogs Right

2009-07-27T11:54:00.000-07:00

Yes, Class, it's ME, the notorious Blog-Blond, your very own blondalicious blog teacher returned from her travels! I'm sure you're weary of hearing alibis for my absence here, so I'll spare you by not giving any. I'll let the caption above speak for me!

My topic today is How To Do Blogs Right.

Rather than blather on about how wrong & boring & stupid & insipid & copycat & sloppy many blogs are, I've decided to focus on blogs that are doing it right!

In forthcoming posts I'll give examples of blogs which are doing it RIGHT and grade them, and thus, *perhaps* you'll learn! (Yes, I know, Blog-Blond could use a make-over too, so don't even go there with me! All in due time. Patience, my little ones. Patience!)

The first blog I've selected for you to examine is Garance Dore.

Now this may sound like a strange name to some of ya, but that's because it's French. I don't know these folks, so there's zero kick back! Sheesh! What kind of teacher do you think I am? I'm certainly not one of those money-grubbing ones who'll try and sell ya an e-book full of garbage for $19.95! I'm more like your secret addiction. Yeh, that's it! I know!

Here's 10 reasons why your blondalicious teacher gives Garance Dore an A+

You can read the blog in BOTH French and English.
The layout is clean & crisp with lots of white space.
The date is easy to see at the top.
The photos are BIG.
It's simple and easy to read. The categories are listed at the top and easy to find.
The author's writing style reeks of personality, exuberance, and authenticity.
Need I add: this blog is stylish!
There are zero typos and/or obvious mistakes.
The advertising by Vogue is subtle and non-intrusive.
The latest tweet is on the sidebar.

I'm adding this to the one and only "Humor Blogs".

Twit Wit

2009-03-16T18:02:00.000-07:00

Class: I'm sure you're aware many celebrities and personalities use Twitter. I have several twitter accounts--one which is highly classified and secret--the one I use with my celeb buds.

Here's a sampling of your sassy blondalicious teacher's DM's:

THE_REAL_SHAQ It's proper etiquette to leave flip flops outside, esp. size 24's!

Wossy Couldn't make lunch. It feels undignified to explain.

richardbranson Not upset because your swan chased me. Birds like me.

TheEllenShow Enjoyed the rabbit pupus. You're kidding, right?

aplusk Loose the hats. Tell Brad 2

stephenfry Luv my Louboutins--u can borrow

jamie_oliver Tempura pickle? Oh hell no!

jimmyfallon Appreciate ur invite. Letting you simmer first

lady gaga Designed something for ya--don't know if squirrels will like

perezhilton Save frills for TMZ

iamdiddy Dined at Nobu w snoop--don't ask.

MCHammer Want the extension cords back asap. Change it up.

This post goes on "Humor-Blogs.com".

Confused About Social Networking?

2009-03-10T13:38:00.000-07:00

Class, this is another one of my famous quickie posts. I wanted to add my two cents to the current debate about social networking, the pros and cons. There have been many blog posts written on this subject matter in recent months since the mad growth of Facebook and Twitter.

If you're questioning whether to jump into social networking, here are my hot social networking tips:

1. You don't need to spend hours and hours on end at these locations. Stick your big toe in the social networking waters and explore little by little. Pick one and begin from there. If you don't like it, pick another. There are plenty to choose from, and each has their own advantages and lures. My inner teenager likes Plurk because of the funny icons and the abundance of Second Lifers using this site.

Your blondalicious teacher doesn't let her precious time get sucked by these sites and doesn't respond to EVERY game, suggestion, invitation, response, or seductive trick. Be selective, discerning, and monitor your time.

Of course, your blondalicious teacher floats everywhere, but that's just me: curious and insatiable.

2. Email isn't where the action is these days. Read Write Web posted the latest research about this subject titled, "Social Networking Now More Popular Than Email, Report Finds." So if you really wanna find out what's going on and get off the bench, social networking is the place to hang.

3. You're zero obliged to give your legitimate name. Use a handle as do many wise ones. When you're running around the Big Wide World of Social Networks, handles are far bettah because you'll encounter everything under the sun and then some on these social networks. Once again, be discerning, cautious, and street smart.

Five Silly Twitter Games

2009-03-03T13:05:00.000-08:00

Class, I'm here today to speak about Twitter once again. Twitter has become a huge playground as it's become more known to the mainstream. And like all playgrounds, it has attracted it's gamers, bullies, charlatans, and trouble-makers.

I'm going to share some of the *games* currently popular on Twitter. Perhaps you've experienced them as well if you're on Twitter?

I call these games by the catchall name: Cat and Mouse.

Here's five common games I've encountered:

1. Twits follow and unfollow you many times so they will rise to the top of your follow list and be more visible. The strategy is so others will see them and hopefully follow them. So far I've not blocked any of these tricksters because I wanted to experience how many times a day they perform this move. Eventually, I will block them. BUT I'm curious to see which one has the most follow/unfollow score prior to my doing so.

I won't name the winner, but since I've been observing this strange bot or person or weirdo's game, the winner over the course of a week has followed/unfollowed me 12 times!

Their names and details have been turned over to Uncle Vinnie and his fellahs.

2. Another game is to follow and then immediately block you. This type of gamer has a weird avatar and don't attract many followers for the above reason. Their days are numbered for eventually the Twitter Gods will kick them out, or Uncle Vinnie will pay them a call.

3. A hugely popular Twitter game is to mass follow other people, and then as soon as a twit reaches their 2,000 follower limit, they pause. Once they have enough followers to follow them back, they unfollow all or most of the original followers, and once again repeat the process. This is how they build their twitter follower numbers. They're hoping that their unfollow hasn't been noticed, and frequently the unfollow has been overlooked since people are so very busy these days. These twits names have been dutifully noted as well and turned over to Uncle Vinnie who has his ways.

4. The DM marketing game is huge. If you don't respond to their DM marketing, gifts, invitations to visit their blog and appeals to make money with them, these pests unfollow/drop ya within the week. These folks are strictly working the numbers and are a scourge. Their pushy marketing and desperation won't serve them. Maybe in the year 2012, they'll catch on.

5. By far the most annoying game of all is the one where a twit really wants to catch your attention and flirt, and thus, such twits ask the stupidest, lamest questions in a DM or reply. Since I'm a tough, take-no-prisoners blondalicious diva, I do what I do best: sip more Cristal, roll-over in bed, ignore them and LAUGH!

This post will go up on "Humor-blogs.com".

Five Things You SHOULD Know

2009-02-09T17:29:00.000-08:00

Class, there are *things* you SHOULD know about the online world. Since some of my naughty students are suckered by tricks, cons and scams, I felt it prudent to remind you:

1. If something is too good to be true, then it generally IS! Trust this rule. For example, if someone tries to convince you that you'll make a pile of monies from blogging, don't buy it. This is one of the biggest come-on's newbies fall for. Maybe if you live til your 100's and work your a** off, you might make some chump change.

2. If someone sends you a link, consider the source. Do you know the blogger or person sending you the link, and are they computer savvy? Are they passing something on to you which you'd rather not have? I make it a practice to open very few forwards or links.

4. There's no such thing as a free lunch. If you're aiming for online success, there are two choices of words: Work! OR Delegate. I prefer to delegate. Study the work of Timothy Ferris and read his book "The 4-Hour Workweek". Semi-retire. Life is short. Simplify.

5. And last but not least, don't put all your eggs in one basket! This cliche is apt in regards to your online presence. Spread out. Use the same avatar. Brand yourself. Don't make enemies because the online global community is much smaller than you can even imagine and growing smaller all the time. Think 'three degrees' of separation!

This is going up on "Humor-blogs.com" even though it's not funny. This post was too much work to be funny.

My Top Five Twitter Turn-Ons

2009-01-31T15:04:00.000-08:00

Class, one of my brightest students, Sueblimely, asked about my Top Five Twitter Turn-On's, and thus, I feel obliged to post these turn-on's. Of course, I'd rather be goofing off like always, but it only seems fair to write something positive to balance the negative tone of my last post, my Top Five Twitter Turn-Offs.

So Listen Up my naughty students and learn My Top Five Twitter Turn-On's:

1. My Number One Twitter Turn-On is: Twitter bios. I enjoy an enormous belly laugh every morning when I open my email to see who has followed me. The bios of many Twitter folk are so ridiculous I can't help but laugh. For example (and mind you I'm just making-up *some* of this, but not ALL of it): "I'm a former meth addict, transexual, priest, and bulimic blogger." Many such Twitter colorful characters make my day!

2. My Number Two Twitter Turn-On is: Fabulous New Acquaintances. I would never have met so many wonderful people in such a short period of time were it not for the Twitter introduction. The kindness, sweetness, and courtesies extended to me in replies have been heart-warming. Yeh, yeh...call me a sucka. Whatever. Kindness goes a long way with me. I appreciate everyone on Twitter who takes the time to either Retweet or respond.

3. My Number Three Twitter Turn-On is: Breaking News. News breaks faster on Twitter than on any other online media! If something BIG happens, post a twit--it will go viral. If I should need to post an important photo or break a story or resolve a problem, Twitter is a tool which is invaluable. This makes me feel somewhat *secure* in a strange kind of way. If the world is finally falling apart, those of us on Twitter will rapidly let each other know this valuable information, right?

4. My Number Four Twitter Turn-On is: Assessing The Zeitgeist. For those of you unfamiliar with the meaning of the word 'Zeigeist', here's the definition offered by Wikipedia, "The word zeitgeist describes the intellectual, cultural, ethical and political climate, ambiance and morals of an era or also a trend. In German, the word has more layers of meaning than the English translation, including the fact that Zeitgeist can only be observed for past events."

With millions of people using or reading Twitter, I'm able to tune into the Zeitgeist and see which way the wind is blowing--a handy-dandy tool.

5. My Number Five Twitter Turn-On is: Ease. Twitter is fast and easy, and blogging takes time and energy! With Twitter I'm zero worried if I make sense. I can quickly copy a quote from my files, post it, and then I'm on to my daily carousing. Or I can post one word if I choose to be cryptic. What's not to love about this???

This post is going on "Humor-blogs.com".

My Top Five Twitter Turn-Offs

2009-01-27T18:58:00.000-08:00

Class: I know you must be wondering where I've been, and I could lie to you and tell you all sorts of b.s., but in truth, I've been studying the ins-and-outs of Twitter.

Since receiving funding last year, Twitter has rapidly grown in popularity, and now more and more followers are crowding my Inbox every day! I'm terrified to open my email now because it's clogged with Twitter followers. The munchkins of the world are now twittering away.

What's going on is a massive mainstream awareness of Twitter, and so non-techies, marketers, hustlers, and freaks of every shape are jumping onboard. Some of these new Twitter folk don't even make a post before they begin adding hundreds of people--a complete no-no in my book!

Listen Up to read My Top Five Twitter Turn-Offs, and puhhlease don't make these mistakes!

1. Do NOT DM me with a link to a freebie 'anything', gift, or course. Don't DM me to plug yourself or your company. GROAN! Unless I know you, I'll delete your DM in a NY City second. Just because I accepted you as a friend and followed you back doesn't give you the right to annoy me and tell me how effing great you are.

2. Do NOT follow me, and then after I've followed you back, you then unfollow me for I'll track your rotten a** down and immediately unfollow you. You'll have accomplished nothing with your stupid little gaming. I have a LONG memory, and I'll block ya. Ya better believe it.

3. Do NOT DM me a message to follow you on Facebook and then NOT follow me on Twitter. What kind of fool are you? Your ego needs a shrink wash, and I'm the gal to crack the whip!

4. Do NOT reply to me with stupid pick-up lines such as, for example, this one: "Tell me all about yourself. I can't wait to get to know you." Barf me out. Like I'm gonna spill the beans to a total stranger in 160 characters.

5. Do NOT leave your face off your profile. I wanna see you. If you've not even taken the time to fill out your profile with a fake face, I'm totally uninterested. Besides, you're probably a scammer.

Actually I have MORE than five turn-offs, but I'll get around to them later. Now I'm sliding into the jacuzzi with my glass of Cristal to completely forget about Twitter turn-offs. I'd rather be turned on!

And after having said all this, if you behave, you can follow me on Twitter! Hah!

This will be going up on "Humor-blogs.com".

Merry Christmas from Blog-Blond

2008-12-24T11:12:00.000-08:00

Class: Thank you for continuing to stalk me & show-up for class, even though I've been taking a long, long sabbatical. You're the best *naughty* students a teacher could ever wish for!

As you've probably figured out by now, I'm enjoying my freedom from the obligation of blogging, even though those dratted microblogs do catch my attention and energy! Twitter, Plurk, and Identi.ca are the places to hang out these days. Facebook has also lured me in to it's diabolical clutches, and every day I find a new friend wanting to befriend me.

I cherish my friends and followers. They're a whole lot more reliable than commenters, especially the lack-luster commenters on this blog. When I reply to someone on Twitter, Plurk, or Facebook, they get right back to me! 'Responsive' rates high in my book!

Here's my tip for today since I'm already here: sign up for Google's alert which notifies you when people are talking about you or what lists you may be on or anything whatsoever referencing you. Google is the sharpest spy in the world. This notification notice comes to your email once a day, and signing-up is one of the best moves I made this year.

I've made a few good moves and many mistakes this year, but what else is new?! I'm still alive and kickin'.

Next year I'll go to the age-old formula of t & a for this blog because that is what sells, right? Hah! I can just see some of your expressions through the computer. Just kidding! *maybe*

How about you? What have you learned about blogging this year? If you don't comment here, I'm sure you'll get back to me on Twitter or Facebook, right?

This post will go up on "Humor-blogs.com".

Blondie Bails On Blogging

2008-12-01T16:16:00.001-08:00

Class, I'm flabbergasted. It seems my substitute teacher Blondie has become a SUPERSTAR, and when I left a message on her answering machine inquiring why she had neglected last week's post, she texted me she was 2 bzy.

BUT she promised me she would return next week to give ya some hot blog tips. I know she's good for it because I have 'something' on her which I might possibly leak to Buzzfeed.

In the meantime, someone sent me a photo of Blondie on a t-shirt. Apparently Blondie is HOT HOT HOT , and all the Hollywood babes are wearing her likeness on a t-shirt!So once again, your blondalicious teacher has to step up to the plate and deliver the goods when she'd rather be lazing around. I have ONLY one blog tip this week, so Listen Up!

Line up more than ONE substitute blogger to post for you. Have a couple of back-ups because once a blogger becomes famous, they'd rather twitter or plurk or text or hawk t-shirts to the rich and famous or show up at clubs or host Extra.

Maybe this Blog-Blond blog is a fast-track to superstardom? And so I'm putting it out to those who would like to guest-post, email me.

Who knows--maybe your mug will be the next hot one?!

This is going up on "Humor-Blogs.com".

Meet Your Substitute Blog Teacher

2008-11-23T20:10:00.000-08:00

Class, I'm sure you must have noticed I've not shown up to post for some time now, and truth be told, I've grown weary of posting and need a break. I've come up with a solution for my boredom and laziness. I've hired a substitute blog teacher to come in once a week and post sizzling hot blogging tips for your edification.

No, she's not as HOT as your blondalicious teacher, but believe me, she's spicy and spunky, and I think you'll like her style. Her name is Blondie, the Badass Blogger. And she'll kick your b*** if you get outta line with her. She's been a teacher for many years, and she knows how to deal with naughty students! I filmed her brief introduction, and she made me film it over and over and over. Man, is she a demanding teacher!

So without further ado, I give you BLONDIE!

Trimming The Blog and Twit Fat

2008-11-07T20:35:00.000-08:00

I was shocked to discover all the cr** on my computer recently, even with all the housekeeping I do on a daily basis. Something diabolical had attached itself to my 'puter, and it took a long time to get rid of this yukky thing. In the process, I discovered so much MORE to delete. My history. My cache.

Twitter people who don't follow me back. Deleted.

Twitter people who only write, "Updated my Squidoo page." Deleted

Twitter people who promote, promote, promote. Deleted.

Twitter people who only write good night or good morning. Deleted.

Cracking the whip never felt so good. Quite satisfying and juicy.

The same thing happened to blogs which were not updated. Deleted. The bloggers hadn't even bothered to inform me their blog had died, or they had offed or abandoned it. I said a silent prayer for all the blogs who had passed my way and who were now zombified in cyber-land.

There should be an online cemetery for dead blogs, dontcha think? This would be a place where we could go and light a candle or place some flowers on their cyber grave and honor them.

Back to the present--what captures my attention are amusing, creative, and generous bloggers twitter-ers, and plurkers.

I've listed some of my favs on my Funny Blogs Squidoo site.

This will find a home on "Humor-Blogs.com".

Three Ways To Profit From Blogs

2008-11-04T09:59:00.000-08:00

Class, I've been doing a lot of thinking about JOBS as of late. And I'd like to share three ways you MIGHT be able to make some money through the blog world.

Since so many people have lost their jobs in the economic downturn in America and are now out of work, they're seeking new employment and/or ways to create income.

If you're strapped for cash, you may have considered making an adult movie such as the characters in the new movie, "Zack and Miri Make a Porno".

Some of these recently unemployed are EVEN investigating blogging to see if there's a way they can make a living through blogging.

Well, I'm here to tell them, fat chance! An adult movie would probably be a better bet.

Not to say money can't EVENTUALLY be earned by blogging if you work your sweet little tushie off! But this will take TIME!

If time isn't on your side and you need monies now, here's three ideas to earn money through the blog world which won't embarrass you someday should your adult movie go viral:

1. Blog flipping--buying and selling deserted blogs
2. Create a blog group in your town/city/area where bloggers get together to critique blogs & help newbie bloggers and one another with their skills and knowledge. Charge for membership or at the door.
3. Create a Blog Bash event where for 24 hours enrolled bloggers would engage in a smackdown. Betting, dirty tricks, psychological gambits, voting, monetary prizes, and power would be involved. It would closely resemble the U.S. political process. This is a sure winner.

This post will be going up on "Humor-blogs.com".

Does Your Blog Have Legs?

2008-10-19T14:55:00.000-07:00

Class: I'm here to share a hot blog tip: kick back and rest when you're feeling the beginnning of blog burn-out.

Kicking back is what your blondalicious teacher does quite often, and even though I may loose some readers because I'm not always posting, I don't loose myself. Not loosing myself is a much higher priority for me! I really like not having to go around looking for myself--it's much more convenient to find myself where I left myself.

Are ya feeling overwhelmed by too much email, social media contacts, and obligations? Then welcome to the crowd!

Overwhelm and blog-burnout is very common these days with the frenzied social swirl of Facebook, Twitter, Plurk, Stumbleupon, Pownce, and MyBlogLog to name a few.

Here's some suggestions:

Focus on what makes your smile

Chill

Establish boundaries

Try something new

Make really silly videos. (I've been doing this and LMAO!)

Find some other kind-hearted soul to post on your blog or have guest bloggers

Post ONLY after you've rejuvenated and healed. Never ever post when drunk or high or feeling guilty or obligated or angry or desperate or...

If you follow my suggestions and perservere, your blog will acquire legs. Maybe not as beautiful as legs as these, but legs of some sort.

This post is going on "Humor-blogs.com".

Three Awesome Reasons To Abolish Poverty

2008-10-15T11:29:00.000-07:00

This post is my contribution to Blog Action Day where I join with other bloggers to write about a topic for a single day. This year's topic is POVERTY.

There are gadzillions of good reasons to ABOLISH poverty starting like yesterday, but I'll post my own list of THREE awesome reasons why I'd like to see poverty put away under a giant rock forever.

1. Poverty isn't fun or funny. When you're in poverty, you can't even imagine a world with fun! All your time is spent trying to figure out how to survive. Bummer! Poor people don't have time to read or post on blogs. Just imagine the audience humor bloggers would have if poor people had time to read and write. And I'm sure many poor people would make great humor writers too! Oh yeh!

2. Poverty slows everything down--it's a drag on our world system. All of us could probably be jetting around the universe right now in a sleek starship if we finally get this stupid poverty thing abolished. Poverty has been slowing down creativity, evolvement, and speedy forward movement of everything and everyone for far too long, and I, for one, am weary of the pace.

3. Poverty is unbalanced--and unbalanced things aren't pretty. Since I like beauty, harmony, and balance, why would I like poverty? Poverty is ugly. Even uglier are those greedy s.o.b's who take more than their fair share and put others into poverty. Who said it was khool to have all that moolah sitting in your bank account when someone else could be using it? How did the filty rich think we wouldn't wake up one day and yell out how ugly the super rich are?!

The solution to poverty is to abolish it!

You can begin this process today by IMAGINING zero poverty. Visualize how much more fun, speedy, and beautiful the world is without poverty.

Then take action by signing a check or opening your wallet with this in mind!

This post will go up on "Humor-blogs.com".

Do You Have a Nemesis?

2008-10-07T16:31:00.000-07:00

Class: I'm back to speak to you of a serious matter: your nemesis!

Since most of my naughty students have probably acquired several merely by hanging around the Blogosphere, you might as well learn the meaning of 'nemesis': "An opponent that cannot be beaten or overcome."

These opponents or adversaries may become the bane of your life as they seek to best you in your blogging niche. They may steal your ideas, scrape your copy, suck up to your best blogging buddies, make up stories about you, cheat, and in general, thoroughly piss you off. Oftentimes, the nemeis will fall under the category of Frenemy which means you can't go on the overt attack.

And truth be told, once you get rid of one nemesis, like weeds, another couple will spring up!

What do you do about your (current) nightmare nemesis? Here's my helpful tips for coping:

1. Take a philosophical stance. Rather than react with anger and write a nasty email or two, ask for help from those who know how to deal with your nemesis in a calm manner. For example, I usually call Uncle Vinnie who'll make a polite house call and 'splain things. That usually does the trick. Uncle Vinnie's house calls really make an impression, ya know?!

2. Rally your forces and friends to your side. I've heard many a story how the mob approach worked to bring repentance and apologies for the nemesis's misdeeds.

3. Calmly wait your turn. Study the Achilles Heel of your nemesis and aim you arrow at a critical moment for him/her. Study their blogs, and you'll know the perfect time when to release your post about an award or your Oprah show interview.

Yes, my dear students, I've heard many a story about the horrors of a nemesis.

Having a nemesis comes with every territory! You can't outrun them, for like in the Matrix movies, these creatures are self-replicating, and they'll return in another form. You may get your sweet revenge and kick butt after butt, but know the pleasure of victory won't last for long.

So do what your Blondalicious Teacher does: kick back with with your friends and family, have some good belly laughs, diss your nemesis as you chill, and laugh it off.

This post is going up on "Humor-Blogs.com".

Straight From The Horse's Mouth

2008-10-02T18:11:00.000-07:00

Class: your blondalicious teacher has been away rejuvenating and enjoying her time NOT being the Best Lil Blog Teacher In The West.

And I've been trying to get back in the blog saddle again and ride on in here with some hot, juicy blog tips, BUT other stuff has been keeping me busy. Simple as that!

You can always find me on Flickr, Twitter, Plurk, Facebook, Digg, Tumblr, and other blogs if you really need your Blog-Blond fix.

Blog-Blond must look like an absentee teacher as the spammers have been the only ones making comments! Give it up guys! I might let one spam comment sneak by me for the fun of it, but more than that, and I'll crack the whip!

I'd like to share this "Don't Vote" video with ya'll though because it's funny and truthful and powerful.

And I'll continue doing what I've always done: showing up here whenever I feel like it.

This post will be going-up on "Humor-blogs.com" even though it's not very funny.

Then again...funny is kinda weird these days, isn't it?

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Perfect Prizes For The Winning Twitties

2008-09-05T01:02:00.000-07:00

This is going up on "Humor Blogs.com"

I'm Just Sayin'

2008-09-02T14:32:00.000-07:00

Class: I voted for the Twitties yesterday. In case you don't know, there's yet ANOTHER contest--this time, it's for different categories of twits from Twitter.

The Twitties run until Sept. 12 so you have time to vote and amuse yourself with those nominated. I have to agree with one nomination however--nick's twit: "Haha, really? THOSE are the nominees for the Twitties? It's as if Space Chimps and Love Guru were fighting for Best Picture."

Frankly, I was shocked shocked shocked to discover I wasn't nominated in some of these categories, and I feel the head or the board or the whatever of the Titties....err, Twitties should include a write-in nomination so I can be nominated.

Don't you feel this way too, my beloved students?

In the meantime I'll post snarky and/or put-down twits now that I know there's a contest. What do the winners receive? A Gold Tit? What?! This prize information should be stated on the Twitties site so we can at least be somewhat envious.

I'm submitting this to "Humor-blogs.com".

Blog-Blond Runs For President

2008-08-28T03:35:00.000-07:00

East of Microblogs--West of Second Life

2008-08-26T11:13:00.000-07:00

Dear Class,

Once again you've shown up for your teacher, but she didn't show up for you. I've noticed your visits with the aid of Stat Counter, and I've been feeling more and more guilty about not updating and posting to inform of my whereabouts.

So guilty that today I'm writing you a belated apology letter!

I've been an irregular blogging teacher posting from the very beginning with Blog-Blond. You've witnessed this irregularity, and you've tolerated my lackadaisical approach to sharing hot blog tips laced with saucy, sassy humor. You've been GOOD to me, even if you often failed to leave comments.(Ye olde guilte trype! Gotta throw it in!)

Many of my naughty students prefer emailing me instead which is khewl. I don't reply to ALL emails, but I truly enjoy and appreciate receiving them. Some I even print out to let my dog chew. He says they're very tasty.

The reasons why I've been m.i.a. are listed below in random order:

I've fallen in love with microblogs (Twitter, Plurk, Pownce, etc.) because they're fast and easy like an afternoon delight. If I'm super busy, I use Ping.fm to post to all my microblogs in one message. Admitted, there is nothing profound conveyed in these messages, but just the same, posting on them gets my ya-ya's out. And my ya-ya's really need to get out!!!
I've also fallen MORE in love with Second Life and have been spending time there perfecting my Second Life skills, bonding with a group of SL friends, shopping, exploring, and one of these fine days will finally build a virtual home. The photo above is my avatar in one of her many skins and costumes. And yes, I'm glad you noticed--I'm a brunette in SL which is amazingly less complicated than being a blond! I purchased an expensive blond 'skin' (a SL term) but have yet to wear it because I'm experiencing too much joy as a brunette. Who sez blond's have more fun? I've been rocking the grrlpower in SL, and blogs are so boring by comparison.
Exercise and attention to my health and well-being are required. After two years posting on 11 blogs and feeling the self-imposed obligation to post at least three or more times a week on all of them, I've become more than a little burned out! Even when traveling, I've usually posted on some of them--such was my dedication---err, addiction!
The book I began writing prior to becoming a blog addict isn't completed , and I've now resumed the task of writing the remaining chapters. When it's published either as an e-book or RL book, I'll let ya know! I'm sure you'll want to read this one---HOT, HOT, HOT!

And FINALLY, my BEST excuse/alibi/reason is: there are much better blog teacher/tipsters than myself, your Blondalicious Teacher. These bloggers write amazing posts and are REALLY into their craft and at the top of their game!

Since they're so REALLY into it (and I'm not at this point), their posts should be shared with ya'll just in case you missed them.

Here's the links from recent posts which are very worthy and educational:

"12 Tips For Identifying Web 2.0 Scams"

"Are You Trustworthy?" by Sonia Simone

"What Makes For A Good Blog"

"The Naturals"

And I'm submitting this to "Humor-Blogs.com" because that's the way I roll.

Forever yours in the Blogosphere,

What We Say To Other Bloggers

2008-08-13T15:31:00.000-07:00

Class, I'll make this post short and sweet because my time is limited these Dog Daze of August as I prepare for YET another vacation!

Here's this week's KISS blog tips:

Let your readers know they're important. Point your finger at them--but only use your index finger, never your middle finger.

Pictures are more important than words in blogs.

Are you talking your target blogger language?

Keep lots of space between sentences.

You can read more on this topic in the post "Does Your Content Work for an Aging Population?" by James Chartrand. Click here for his tips.

I'm submitting this post to "Humor-Blogs.com"

Interview With Aussie Blogger Sue

2008-08-06T23:55:00.000-07:00

Class: I'm back to share another great interview with the well-known and popular Aussie blogger Sueblimely.

Sue and I met online when she answered my ad for a guest blogger, and she wrote the most masterful and thorough post about No Follow I've ever read. You can read her guest post of June 26, 2007 titled "No Follow--No Good for Bloggers" here.

So Listen Up and Learn today!

Sue's always on top of the latest news about blogging and what's going on in the Blogosphere, and she's zero a slacker teacher who cavorts around like..ahem, yours truly, the blondalicious Blog-Blond.

No, Sueblimely is on top of things even if she lives Down Under. (Corny joke I know--forgive me as I'm doing a layover!)

Sue's a blogger who knows how to GIVE and assist other bloggers, and this is one of the many reasons she's so successful methinks.

Thorough posts which are easy to understand with consistent posting have made her a super successful pro blogger! Plus check out her adorable face. Who wouldn't want a blogging teacher like this?!

*********************************

Blog-Blond: As a blogger who primarily blogs about the subject of blogging, what drew you to this subject matter in the first place?

Sueblimely: I had been blogging for a while before I got onto the subject itself, firstly privately with a photo blog to keep overseas family and friends up to date with the the progress of my three kids, who gave me a lot to bleat about. This was followed by a public blog about web design. It was then that I realized the social aspects involved in blogging and my interest grew; from a personal aspect and interest likely fueled by a background in Sociology/Social Psychology. I knew there were already a lot of blogs about making money or making the big time but there seemed to be much less for the masses of bloggers who write for pleasure and leisure, friendship and support.

Blog-Blond: You've received an award for being one of the top Australian bloggers. Are there more awards you've received that I don't know of, and if so, what are they? How long did it take you to see recognition in the blogging field?

Sueblimely: Yes I am currently in the top 20 in a top Australian bloggers list and top 10 in the Australian Women's bloggers list. I was delighted to be included in the top 100 of two different international lists recently. My blog has been going since Jan 2006 firstly using blogspot and now self hosted Wordpress.

Blog-Blond: Are you more connected to Australian bloggers, or do you consider yourself a global blogger?

Sueblimely: Since being involved with the Aussie Bloggers Forum (http://www.aussiebloggers.com.au/) forum and blog from its start at the end of last year, I have connected much more with Australian bloggers for social reasons but my writing rarely relates purely to the Australian blogging scene. Being in contact with people from around the world helps alleviate the symptoms of a travel bug that infected me when I first ventured overseas alone, at the age of 15. This was before my travels led me from England to live permanently in Australia.

Blog-Blond: Share with the readers some tips to stand-out from the sea of bloggers and carve a name for themselves.

Sueblimely: Much of the advice I would give is pretty standard stuff - write well and regularly and connect with other bloggers through comments and social networks. What I do not see often is advice relating to enjoyment in blogging. Work out what is most important to you: is your main aim to become widely popular, to earn money or are you happier with a smaller readership made up of people you are closer to? The first two take a lot of time, effort and "social Networking". Tasks may become tedious and you may be discouraged by lack of results. The latter places emphasis on " Social networking"; connecting with others for more personal reasons. Whatever the reasons you blog, if it starts to become a chore, sit back and think why it has happened and what you need to do to bring the fun back into it. Read any blogging advice with your own needs in mind. I blog about new blog tools and social networks but do not say they are a must to join. I try them out myself but only to see what they are about and to report on them; concentrating my own efforts on only a few. I am personally not keen on Digg but enjoy Stumbleupon because it is more social and I come across more content that interests me. (I like the photos too).

Blog-Blond: Do you participate very much in micro-blogging? And if so, which ones? Which one is your favorite?

Sueblimely: Not as much as I would like as I find it too time consuming. If I am busy I now keep any microblogging tools closed so as not to get distracted. I am an expert at going off track - I should write a blog about how to not stay focussed. I use Twitter and get email updates via Friendfeed, which I rarely find time to read. When I have more time I want to explore Plurk further - Twitter bugs me with its glitches, very basic interface and letter count restrictions.

Blog-Blond: How much time do you invest in a post? Do you spend much time editing your posts?

Sueblimely: The time varies considerably depending on the topic. My recent post on free stock image sites took me many hours, spread over a couple of weeks, because of the research and detail needed. I am just not satisfied unless I know I have been thorough in my own research and do not want to churn out things that have been done by others. On occasion I come across topics that I feel an urge to write about there and then and will knock those out quickly. I take lots of notes on the more involved topics and, when it comes to writing, I already have a good idea about what I am going to say so the editing does not take long. (I hope it does not show).

Blog-Blond: Have you attended blog parties, blog get-togethers or conferences? If so, what did you learn? What were the benefits?

Sueblimely: I have attended none of these although if I was in closer proximity to BlogHer I would be there. It would be good to meet you and others I have come to know only online.

Let's Play 'Using The Search Words'

2008-07-21T11:39:00.001-07:00

Class, I've meant to write this post for a long time, and I don't know why I haven't done it before. I have interviews lined up to post here, but this post is demanding to be posted today. Yeh, that's right--it told me in no uncertain terms, "Post this Blondie! Or Else."

Something about that "Or Else" got my attention, ya know? It sounded kinda ominous. But maybe it's time I bring SEXY BACK to this blog!

So alright already...I'm posting it! Sheesh!

What is wanting to be posted you ask? It's most of (not all by any means!) the search words which have led others to my blog.

I hope my naughty students monitor the search words for their blogs because these can be helpful. You will then know why others stumble to your blog. Unfortunately, most of these searching souls came for the following subjects, not the blazing wit and hilarious (but dry) humor of your sexy, blondalicious teacher! Harrumph!

So here's what people googled or searched for and which led them to me:

blond sex, blonde blog, uni page, blond, blogwear, is blond right for me, 100 things to do when you can't sleep, blog de bust, i became my wife's love slave, sixpack blog, i promise no more alcohol, blonde sex photo, not blonde blog.

Which one is your favorite? I like the one "i became my wife's love sex slave".

Now I'm going to put them together in a story. Let's see how I can piece these together to make people wanna come back for more of my crazy blog humor.

Blond sex wasn't what I had in mind when I walked into the bedroom. But who was there waiting for me but Blonde Blog! She had an uni page blond haircut, and she was wearing a sheer, sexy blogwear outfit which was from her designer collection.

I asked myself, "Is blond right for me?" Well, maybe I told myself. She might come under the category of 100 things to do before I sleep. And her blog de bust was quite tantalizing!

Her recently published book was lying on the bedside table. The title, "i became my wife's love slave" gave me shivers up and down my spine. What did she have in mind for me? I know I have a sixpack blog, but dare I mix it up with someone who had confessed on the Jay Leno show, "I promise no more alcohol."

What if she would photograph me and post my photo online in a blonde sex photo? That wouldn't go over too good with my constinuency. I'd better play it cool.

"Not blonde blog!" I yelled as I ran from the room with a you know what!

There you have it, dear searchers. Did this story do it for you? If so, let me know by searching, and I'll gladly give you what you're looking for.

And I'm submitting this to "Humor-Blogs.com".

Dear Blogger Know-It-Alls

2008-07-16T13:40:00.000-07:00

Class: it's often when I'm showering that ideas for blog posts come to me. Like today. I was happily washing my hair and not even thinking about posting when thoughts washed through me. I'm sharing some of the thoughts that didn't go down the drain with the soap and wondering if you've ever pondered some of these ideas. Maybe the Blogger Know-It-Alls can answer some of these questions?

Such as:

Recently the world's oldest blogger died at age 108. Her death made me think of all sorts of other blogging bests and records such as, "Has the blogger with the least comments died too? Or has the blogger blogging the longest time died? Has a blogger ever left a suicide post?" Is there a blogging fact book to discover the answers to my questions?

Then my mind wandered to these topics:

A friend told me she heard on the national news that prisoners were very big into blogging these days. Naturally, I wondered if any of my naughty students were said convicts, and how much were they learning from me while incarcerated? Is blogging helping them to become better adjusted? Do they twitter or plurk, or do they write long detailed blogs? Do they blog on Blackberries or iPhones? Or do they have to share computers?

And then these thoughts came to me:

There should be blog awards for the stupidest blogs, the creepiest blogs, the most boring blogs, the angriest blogs, the most egotistic blogger, the most...well, you get the picture! Now those awards would be something!

And my thoughts swerved into bizarro territory:

What clothes do successful bloggers wear? Are successful bloggers superstitious? Do very competitive bloggers wear talismans or hire voodoo queens to boost their rankings? Exactly HOW WEIRD are some bloggers and to what extent will they go to be the top blog dog?

And then my shower ended, and that's all I remember. Honest.

I'm submitting this to "Humor-blogs.com".

Peace Out----

Chillin' and Surfing Blogs

2008-07-10T16:53:00.000-07:00

Class, there are dayz when I just wanna surf and discover things on the net, and today's one of those dayz for me. I don't wanna make a big ol post or put up an interview (although a good one is in the works!), I just wanna sip my Cristal as I surf.

Ya know the feeling, right?

Here's some interesting links and stories I discovered today:

The first one I discovered via Bloggersblog via Identi.ca/

Titled "Modest Website Is Behind A Bevy of Memes", click here to read it.

And this site interested me too:

Twingly, a new blog search engine

And this oldie post on Blogging Bits which was NEWS to me. I've never heard of re-tweeting before!

And then I surfed to this cool place to find the most fabulous Twits: Favrd

And FINALLY (actually there's more, but I wanna get back to my surfing!), there's this link to help you understand Plurk better: Mypleeps

Whooaaa...just writing all these links tuckered me out!

Back to grab another glass of the bubbly and reading and Second Life and Surfing!

Over and Out! And I'm submitting this to the "Humor-Blogs.com" site even though I'm unclear whether that is still the proper protocol with them.

Hey, before ya leave...check out the new re-design on this blog. Bettah, eh? You and I can both thank Heather of Goofy Girl Designs for the spiffy new look! Now you don't have to feel you're keeling over to the left as you read my posts since she righted me!

The Daily Chuckle

2008-07-08T10:32:00.001-07:00

Class, here's a quickie for ya: The State of the Web: Summer 2008

Be sure to scroll down and read Renny's interview and keep your eyes open for my next interview.

Interview With Renny--My Candidate For The Friendliest Blogger

2008-07-06T13:00:00.000-07:00

Class: this is the second installment of my interviews with awesome bloggers, and this week I interview Renny from Norway of the blog RennyBA's Terella.

This is what Renny writes on his blog, "My Terella is about Norway and the Nordic countries: our culture, traditions, history, food and habits."

Renny's blog focuses on the Nordic countries, but Renny sure does travel the Blogosphere!! You can't miss him because he's everywhere!

Renny has sparkling mischief in his eyes, and the great goodwill in his heart reveals itself in the loving comments on other's posts. He really has the art of schmoozing down pat. Here's the definition of schmoozing in case my naughty students don't know: "To converse casually, especially in order to gain an advantage or make a social connection."

In Renny's case, his schmoozing is used to make online connections and LOTS of them. He exemplifies 'hail-fellow-well-met", and I'm proud to call him a Blog Buddy. We can learn a lot from him, so Listen Up!

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Blog-Blond: I'm impressed with your networking prowess and generosity in the Blogosphere. You take the time to get around and manage to comment on so many blogs. How much time do you spend every day networking and commenting on other blogs? Do you have a schedule where you rotate to different blogs or a list of your favourites? Are you a subscriber? Please share with us some wisdom on time management in the blogosphere.

RennyBA: Well, calling myself a network evangelist, I network all the time: professionally as well as in Blogsphere. Blogging is just a hobby and I probably spend three or four hours a day, posting, commenting and socializing at MyBlogLog, BlogCatalog, FaceBook, Flickr, YouTube and such. I’m an always on person, so this happens through out the day as I never go anywhere without my computer. Keep in mind then that I seldom watch TV (if not on my computer then – news and sports from Norway when abroad!), other then from the corner of my eye as my laptop is always in the living room. I have a blogroll (about 80), and try to get through it to comment at least once a week. If I find new visitors, I try the best I can to return their favor. Seldom I subscribe, but use Google Reader to keep track of what’s going on in the world.

Blog-Blond: I read your blog received a travel award. What other honors have been bestowed upon your blog which I don't know about?

RennyBA: Thanks for asking: The most exciting was ‘European Best Blog’ for 2007. In 2006 I was awarded ‘Blogs of Summer’ and for a while I was on top for ‘Blogging to Fame’ last year. I might as well mention ‘The Power of Schmoozing’ and there are quite a few more. You’ll find them all on my Awards page.

Blog-Blond: You do a bang-up job writing about your country, the food, the people you hang with, and the places you travel. You've made a lot of friends through blogging and networking no doubt. How many of these online contacts have you actually met in real life? Do you or they attempt to make real-life contact, or do you mostly connect online?

RennyBA: I’ve met Charles (my blog designer) in Bergen, Norway and Mark moving from the Philippines to Oslo. Then David Gurteen; I met him professionally in my work at The Norwegian Computer Society as we both are networkers and share interest in Story Telling. I should also mention TorAa, who is a colleague in the IT business from Norway and maybe the most exciting: My blog friend Claudie has invited me to a Blog Gathering in south of France in August 2009 where we’ll meet a bunch of other blog friends too. I am also planning a similar gathering in Oslo summer 2010.

Blog-Blond: When you began blogging, were you one of the 'early adopters' in your crowd of friends? I know your lovely wife posts on her blog as well. Which one of you began blogging first, and how did the other one perceive the other's new blogging passion?

RennyBA: I started almost three years ago when I was giving a lecture at the Norwegian School of Management in modern communication. Blogging was one of the themes of course, and I wanted to give it a try myself. Then I was hooked. I was one of the first of my peers to start actively blogging.

My wife has always been very supportive of me and has helped me a lot – since my native tongue isn’t English, its great to have a proof reader to make it fluent, you know. I’ve been encouraging her to start her own for a long time, but she first decided to get serious about it in January 2008.

Blog-Blond: Do you use an iPhone or Blackberry to keep in touch when you're not near your computer? If so, what do you recommend for bloggers?

RennyBA: I stick to Nokia and have had plenty of models for over 10 years. I could use it to post on my blog or notes at FaceBook and of course to upload photos on Flickr as well as update my Twitter. But I’m seldom away from my computer, so mostly I do it from there. I very often use my Nokia mobile phone for taking pictures though – its always on my belt and since my blog is about my daily life, I often capture things impulsively during the day to illustrate my posts.

Blog-Blond: Which networking group (such as Facebook or Linked-In for example) has assisted you the most in your business? Have these contacts prospered your business? BTW, what is your business?

RennyBA: To me FaceBook is a social platform and of course I enjoy it a lot. However, LinkedIn is for business and with almost 1,000 contacts it enhances my business a lot, especially since I’m working on a European project called EUCIP (European Certification of Informatics Professionals). To make it short: ‘We are driving the IT-Professional competence in Europe’.

Blog-Blond: What kind of blogs do you read most often: business or personal blogs?

RennyBA: Surprisingly (to me too!), I don’t read many business blogs regularly. If so, most of them are about corporate blogging and how they influence on business, SEO or advance blog tools.

Blog-Blond: Share with us some favourite blogging tips.

RennyBA: Find your personal style, be honest, stick to the theme of your blog and give your readers something substantial– help them learn something and then they will come back. Some Link Love and tagging is great too, but let it be up to them to return the favour! Be polite: Reply on their comments and visit your commenter’s as well as be active in BlogCatalog, MyBlogLog and other bloggers communities.

Let me end with one of my sayings: ‘It’s a Givers Gain’ – the more you give of yourself, the more you get.

I'm A Second Life Love Slave

2008-07-02T16:33:00.000-07:00

Class: did that headline catch your attention? I hoped it would, but sorry to say it's not true....yet! Other SL's would like me to play with them, but I'm still your basic newbie in Second Life stumbling around, losing things which get returned to me via Lost and Found, playing around with skins, and generally toughing it out until I'm finallyready to be a player who knows what the h*** she's doing.

With that said, I want you to know I'm attending the BlogHer Second Life event in July for the SECOND time! Yes, I'm gonna show up in my sparkling shoes and pink dress which showcases my butt and mix it up. Won't you join me? Here's the bling for my blog I grabbed:

And here is a photo of a postcard I sent to myself when I was lost deep in thought at the very top of the Elven Pond after walking up a steep and winding rocky trail.

What was I thinking about you ask?

I'll tell you, and it goes something like this, "WTF! What's in this effing elven pond anyways? Are there midget elves looking up my skirt? Maybe there's a trick they're going to play on me like having a giant jump up from the bottom of this murky pond. And why is there smoke coming out of this old tree stump in the far distance? Maybe it's a chimney in disguise and there's an elven home directly beneath me, and they're laughing their a$e$ off at me right this very second as they realize I'm not wearing any panties. Maybe that purple flower is their wind generator to run their electricity. Maybe..."

You see--Second Life can make one a mite paranoid if you're all alone and exploring without knickers. However, I don't think anyone ever wears knickers in SL, and I don't recall ever seeing any for sale come to think of it. Then again, I haven't ever "Gone There" if you know what I mean, so maybe there are really such undergarments.

Ok....I'm quitting while I'm behind and submitting this to "Humor-Blogs.com"

Interview With A Brilliant Blond

2008-06-28T17:23:00.000-07:00

Class, I'm beginning something new: interviews with successful bloggers!

And I'm delighted to initiate this series with the delicious, delightful, darling Deborah, aka fastfastlane. Her blog is Life In the Fast Lane.

You've no doubt encountered her incredible blog posts if you're on the Net because she's a Blogging Super Star! Each post is a mini masterpiece. I'm almost embarrassed to comment anymore on her posts because words of praise are the only things my fingers will type. My brain completely shuts down, and I can't think of anything witty or intelligent to add. So don't read any of my comments on her posts for they are lame fan material.

Once you've read her posts, you've no doubt muttered to yourself as I have, "How does she do this? Damn!"

If I sound like a fan, well...I am! I'm in total awe of her thorough posts (many which have videos) and prodigious output!

It's bloggers like Fastfastlane who inspire me to be a better blogger.

(However, as my readers know, I'm a Slacker Blogger and don't want to trade places with FFL. My Hollywood peeps keep me too busy. Read on, and you'll see why I am comfortable with my piddling pace!)

So Listen UP class--- you'll learn a lot from Deborah!

More about FFL-- and you can skip this part if you're already sick of my fawning adulation-- she is bright, diligent, hard-working, passionate, fun, keen to upcoming trends, and responsive to the blogosphere zeitgeist. Plus she's a GOOD, kind person to top it off.

What's not to like about this total package? She is the epitome of what Blog-Bloke terms a Remarkable Blogger!

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Blog-Blond: I'm a huge fan of your blog, and I'm always forwarding the link onto others or showing it to others because your posts are so well-done and Over The Top! My friends ask me questions such as: "how many hours does it take for her to complete a post? Where does she get all the photos?"

And I tell them I don't know! So share with us how many hours you put into the research and writing on your average post? Give us some idea of your process.

Deborah: Thanks so much Kuanyin, I'm truly flattered.

Depending upon the style of post, it takes anywhere from about 8 hours to 2 days from start to finish for research, writing and editing, and formatting. I try to publish one of my 'marathon style' posts at least once per week which generally takes about 2 days to complete.

The first image and paragraph needs to pack the most punch and reveal what the story has to offer in one fell swoop. Photos typically lend interest, no matter how compelling a story may be, and generates interest to continue reading.

Flickr is an excellent resource for images where you can find photos that authors have generously provided Creative Commons Licenses for. Using the 'Attribution License,' you are able to freely crop and edit them, for an exchange of credit and link back to the image, which is far more than fair and only right.

Under this license format, simply enter your search term for the sort of images you're looking for. Then click on the link for 'Most Interesting,' and your search quickly changes to the most popular for the tags that match your query.

http://www.flickr.com/creativecommons/by-2.0/

Other resources are available as well, such as everystockphoto, PicFinder, and stock.xchng

http://www.everystockphoto.com/

http://www.picfindr.com/

http://www.sxc.hu/home

Blog-Blond: Share with us some hot blog tips which would be helpful to newbie bloggers-- even 'bloggers- who've- been- around -the -block- so- many -times- it's- round' like me, the Blondalicious Blogger.

Deborah: That is a loaded question, one which is not so easy to answer, as it could cover a myriad of topics. I have stumbled over many hills and valleys along the way in the learning curve.

I would say that whatever you do, put your heart and soul into what you compose, and cover topics that you find interest in yourself, which will bring out your passion to provide a good read.

Do not write merely for the sake of publishing something for the day. If you would not find an article to be a compelling read, why would your readers? While you cannot appeal to everyone with everything you write, you will have self-respect for your efforts by putting everything you can into it. Your readers can see through a shoddy effort, and may not return for more.

I do admit to feeling less satisfied with publishing my shorter-style posts which typically take 8 hours or less, but I'm often pleasantly surprised by the responses they receive. Time simply does not permit a marathon-style post for each one.

No matter what I publish, I attempt to uncover all that I am able to find on the topic. When I can no longer find anything in my searches, I feel satisfied that my research is complete as it can be.

Blog-Blond: You're a hot blonde! Do you have a moniker, a nickname you've given to yourself like I have?

Deborah: Hahaha, the hot blonde calling the blonde hot ;-) The only other name that many know me by is Fastfastlane, which I use on all social media sites that I am involved with.

It began in reference to my blog Life in the Fast Lane and our business Fast Lane Transport. My first attempt to use fastlane at a social site had been taken, so I used fastfastlane, and have stuck with it ever since.

Blog-Blond: You're very prominent on Digg (having made the First Page many a time!) as well as other platforms. You're everywhere it seems. How long did it take you to make your mark? Share with us your baby steps .And then share with us what's new and hot in the blogosphere.

Deborah: I first heard about Digg shortly after I started blogging. After signing up, I realized very quickly that I am a news junkie, and became quickly addicted.

I began adding friends who submitted stories that interested me, which snowballed. While I do not have time for the extensive searching required to submit very much myself, I support my friends by voting up good content that they submit by visiting the site at least twice per day. You have to be very dedicated to it.

There are many who would use Digg strictly for their own gain alone. For this reason, it takes time to earn the trust of the community. Immerse yourself to learn what sorts of stories are of interest to the site before you begin submitting. Add friends whose content you enjoy, dedicate time to vote their stories up daily, and over time your sincerity will show through and you will gain trust within the community.

It is frowned upon by many to submit your own content. Never do so if your content is not the type that appeals to the site, and above all, only if you are contributing to the site by submitting excellent content in far greater number than your own.

I also Stumble anything that I run across regularly which I feel the author has put a good effort into that will provide value to StumbleUpon, as well as pages sent to me which I find interesting.

As for what's new and hot, I would recommend Mixx.com which I feel shows some great promise. The community and site management are a little more laid-back than Digg with a broader expanse of interests, and very friendly for the most part.

Blog-Blond: Are you sure you're not a twin? Or a triplet? Or?

I wish I had a twin. A triplet would be even better. One of my often-spoken sayings is 'I wish I had a clone.'

Blog-Blond: Ok, if you're not a twin, when do you sleep? How many hours?

Deborah: When I first started out, I used to publish a post on a daily basis to provide a daily read, even on weekends. I was getting 3 to 4 hours sleep a day at irregular hours. My home life began to suffer for it, and many-a-day I nearly fell asleep at the computer.

I began taking Fridays off of composing which would mean that there was nothing new for readers come Saturday. It was pleasantly surprising to find that it did not affect readership return tremendously.

But this was not enough of a break, and my health began to suffer. I now try to get at least 6 hours of sleep per day, and compose as my time permits. This of course means less time spent on the computer and articles published, but one must weigh in what is most important in life. I do confess to spending much more time at it than my family and friends would like ;-) I am addicted somehow.

Blog-Blond: I've noticed you don't advertise on your blog. Why? Do you ever plan to do so? What are the down-sides of putting ads on blogs?

Deborah: I refuse to monetize my site with anything I would feel embarrassed to promote. But if a reputable advertiser came knocking at my door, I certainly would not refuse. This is something that also consumes time to research, as it won't necessarily fall into your lap, for which I have never found the time for. My foremost concern is providing content that readers will enjoy.

I have never been a fan of Adsense and Adwords. They typically appear above the fold, and frequently the first thing that you see before any content. This puts me off as a reader, so why do that to your own readers? For the pittance of return in monetary gain for most, I find it not worth it.

Blog-Blond: You recently did a re-design, and it's fabulous! Should bloggers change it up every now and then to keep their blog fresh?

Deborah: Thanks so much. It's been wonderful receiving such positive response to the redesign.

Times change quickly on the internet, and if you wish to remain on top of things, I feel you should adapt and implement them.

The template that I had formerly used is a perfect example. What worked more than a year ago does not work today. The template was giving countless HTML errors which were irreparable or too many to be pointless to even try. The high cost outlay that I had put out is what held me back from switching over sooner than I had, but I was forced into the change. In the end I actually became excited to do so.

Now I am very happy that I have, as it is a much more contemporary format. I feel that my readers enjoy it much more as well based upon the response. So the long answer is yes, keep your blog fresh by providing the best offering that you can for your readers.

Blog-Blond: Whom do you admire in the blogosphere and why? Any frenemies?

Deborah: Who do I admire? There are many, and I hate to be remiss by not including them all here. Suffice it to say that I maintain friendship with those whom I respect and admire, such as yourself.

But if I had to name one person that I feel has contributed greatly to the blogging community, I would say Darren Rowse from ProBlogger. He has always remained straight up and provides solid advice on a consistent basis.

http://www.problogger.net/

As for social media, there are a number of people that I respect and admire. One who is not only an expert blogger and freelance journalist, but provides solid information and direction on social media is Maki from Dosh Dosh. You cannot go wrong by following him on his blog. http://www.doshdosh.com/

Others who have taken heat publicly merely for being well-known in social media, but whom I hold in very high regard and greatly respect would include Reg Saddler aka Zaibatsu, Muhammad Saleem, and Andy Sarcini aka MrBabyMan. Another media maven would be Mig from eWriting Pamil-Visions. There are many more, I could go on …

http://www.ewriting.pamil-visions.com/

And 'frenemies?' What's that? ;-) I work at only inviting positive energy into my life.

Blog-Blond: What are your long-term plans for Life in the Fast Lane blog? What does your husband think/feel about your blogging passion and expertise?

Deborah: Oh how I loathe that question of long-term goals … always have even at job interviews. Nothing personal, I'm sorry.

While I realize that countless successful organizations and people thrive on long-term goals, I have never subscribed to using them for my own business and blog.

I do as I see fit for my own morals and principals, never as a follower unless I admire something someone has done and wish to emulate their success out of respect for what they have achieved.

I try to treat others as I wish to be treated myself, and strive to be the very best that I can at whatever I endeavor. I can be very hard on myself, and am my own worst critic. I will not waste time at something that I know I will never have the talent or interest for, or anything that I see will blatantly prove to be an unsuccessful labor. But if I see something with potential, I am relentless and tenacious in achieving success, and thinking outside of the box to make it happen.

I feel that oftentimes when we set long-term goals, we lose sight of what we are doing merely to achieve them. Some will stop at no end to make the numbers, lose face, hurt others, and turn potential prospects or business off with unscrupulous methods, losing sight of reality along the way to accomplish the final end. The end does not always justify the means.

As for my husband, he has never been very pleased with the time and effort that I spend on the computer and blogging. It is a constant struggle to please 2 masters at once -- my husband and myself ;-) He does not read my blog, unless he is doing it secretly without my knowledge. But one thing that he does know, is that I put all of myself into whatever I work to achieve.

Deborah: I would like to put a positive spin to a final word in thanking you for inviting me for this interview and the opportunity to be here. You are a legend in your own right.

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I'm submitting this to "Humor-Blogs.com"

Three Online Things To Do When You Can't Sleep

2008-06-27T11:33:00.001-07:00

Class: I'm gonna share my sleepy-time secrets with you today in case there are any of ya who find yourselves wide-awake in the wee hours of the morning and REALLY want to get back to sleep.

These three things/tricks work better than a sleeping pill or a warm glass of milk and hot chocolate chip cookies AND without drugs or calories.

Here are my three suggestions with Number Three being the VERY best:

First....if you haven't already joined Facebook, do so. Facebook is a great place to have in your bag of tricks. Ahem... branding.

When you can't sleep, go and add friends. There is something about the repetitious nature of this task which works like a miracle sleep aid. Since you can't read the profiles of these folks you're adding as friends until they've accepted your friendship, this mindless adding is so boring. It helpful if the friends you're adding are already friends with friends you have, and then you stand more of a chance of being accepted by them and you're not being viewed as some pervy predator or spammer. But that's beside the point. The idea is to make yourself drowsy.

This task is a numbers game that's better than playing solitaire. Keep adding friends until your head falls down on the keyboard.

Second, Stumble at lightening speed. Thumbs up anything and everything. Be a stumble slut. Don't stop to admire or read or watch anything whatever you do!

Third, and this is the BIGGIE: read all the blogs about how to make money online or posts which offer HOT BLOGGING TIPS. These blogs and posts are some of the driest, least-juicy, least-enlightening, least instructional, least inspired, most insipid drivel you'll find on the net. This task win hands down as THE MOST sleep inducing thing you can do.

These money-making, blog-tips posts are so cookie-cutter they were spawned by the same borg mother--I'd make a bet on it. Usually all it takes for me to become sleepy is to read two or three of these posts, and I'm staggering to bed.

I'm submitting this to "Humor-Blogs.com".

Whither Goest This Blog?

2008-06-25T13:00:00.000-07:00

Class: I've been deliberating which direction to take this blog. When I began this blog oh so long ago, I had the vision of a niche blog which combined humor and blogging tips.

Thus, Blog-Blond was born--and a sassy, ever-changing blog she's been, sometimes full of hot blogging tips, sometimes not. Sometimes full of weird humor, and sometimes not. Your blondalicious teacher has interviewed Santa Claus in bed and cavorted with Borat amongst other celebrities. She's gone missing for long periods of time with strange alibis.

What's next I'm asking myself? I have interviews I'd like to do with awesome bloggers for one thing. But I thought perhaps you'd give me some feedback, so I created a poll.

If you'd be so kind to answer one of these multiple choice questions, your answers will help guide Blog-Blond to her next transformation.

*****

Saturday June 28th--Poll closed!

Mahalo for your input!

And this is going up on "Humor-Blogs.com".

In His Own Words

2008-06-24T15:25:00.000-07:00

I'm submitting this to "Humor-Blogs.com".

The Long-Winded & Never-Ending Story

2008-06-18T21:29:00.001-07:00

Class, your blondalicious teacher has yet another addiction she's confessing.

As if Plurk and Twitter and Facebook (especially the throwing things!) weren't bad enough, now there is a story.

Yes--it's a very, very LONG and complicated and increasingly strange story of which I'm hoping I can tweak it to make it even stranger. This is the lure for me: the love of weird stories, people, and things. They are simply so alluring.

The story is on Plurk, and I've added my input three times, and possibly before the night is over, who knows how many more twists I'll add to the story.

Here's the culprit who began the story: a dude who calls himself Mr. Gadget from Oz. With a moniker like this, no wonder I've been lured into this addiction. Actually, I don't blame him for my becoming addicted, nor do I blame the other addicted storytellers. This is way too much fun to blame anyone.

If you're inclined to join the rest of us addicts, here's the link.

But don't forget that I warned you about it being very addicting. Whatever you do, don't mix it with anything else like Grey Goose or Red Bull or....

I'm submitting this to "Humor-Blogs.com".

R U a Lurker?

2008-06-16T17:43:00.000-07:00

Class: I've been giving some thought to lurking. The reason is this: when I'm too tired to comment on someone's blog post, I often read the post and move on. I would prefer to write a sassy, blondalicious comment, but my fingers and mind are uncooperative.

Does my behavior qualify as lurking?

Am I a lurker? R U?

I wish there was a form I could easily enter into a comment box which would excuse myself. The form would read something like this:

I never intended to lurk on your blog though it may appear that I have done so. Please accept my heartfelt apology for reading your witty, scintillating, informative, and insightful prose without attempting to comment and contribute something of value. I would be very appreciative if you hold me blameless for being a harmless lurker. Sincerely, Blog-Blond

I'm submitting this to "Humor-Blogs.com".

The Three L's Every Blog Should Have

2008-06-14T11:51:00.000-07:00

Class, this is your Weekend Quickie, so Listen Up as your blondalicious teacher has lots of living and loafing to do.

As the title states, these Three L's should be incorporated into each of your blog posts: Life, Love, and Laughter.

First, does your post have Life Force? Does your post look tempting, exciting, edible, horny, or alluring? If not, add some Life Force through photos or text.

Second, are your posts written in a negative framework? Does your attitude reveal less than a loving 'tude? Do you offer a loving service or benefit somewhere in your post?

Third, does your post have a least the smile factor in it either through the graphic images you add or the written text? If not, make someone smile, giggle, or laugh a little, and they'll remember your blog and come back again for their humor fix.

That's all. Now go play and be naughty-- know I give you permission and approve--I really, really do! Shake your money-makers....or at the very least, swing in your hammock with your cool drink in hand.

Live! Love! Laugh!

And then add these elements to your future posts!

I'm submitting this post to "Humor-blogs.com".

Karma-Schmarma

2008-06-13T10:39:00.000-07:00

Class, I believe I've discovered The Secret!

No, not THAT famous one postulating the Law of Attraction.

I mean THE secret for my multiple blogging addiction. My new approach is to post on my most challenging blog first, and that would be Blog-Blond!

I used to do it the other way around, and by the time I finally made it to Blog-Blond, I was edgy, bored and tired. And then I wouldn't even bother to post on BB. This is ONLY one of my MANY excuses for being such a derelict teacher and m.i.a.

As most of my naughty students are aware, today is Friday the 13th, the bad luck day-- or so some folks believe. I could have used this Friday the 13th superstition as my excuse for NOT posting today, but I'm working on establishing a new habit to post 21 days STRAIGHT IN A ROW on Blog-Blond!

This may seem like a silly challenge to you, but when I accomplish this superhuman feat, I will Feel The Fabulosity once again (FTF). This is the story I'm telling myself anyways.

Here are my HOT blog tips for you today:

1. Feel the posting pain and do it anyway.
2. Post before you brush your teeth.
3. Post when you're half-awake and write (almost) anything. Make it a 21-day-habit.
4. Post before you plurk, twitter, text, or check your emails.
5. Post like you've never posted before, and don't worry about the posts. Let them go. You've released the words and thoughts already, so Let Them Be!!
6.Ping your blogs immediately with Pingoat or other pinging services after you've finished.

And with those words of wisdom, I'm outta here to enjoy myself. Yay, it's TGIF even it is a Friday the 13th! Have a great weekend, and enjoy your Karma. You worked hard for it, and you deserve it. Just say to yourself over and over: Karma-Schmarma!

I'm submitting this to "Humor-Blogs.com."

WT Plurk!

2008-06-12T10:53:00.000-07:00

Class, I recently joined Plurk, the new micro-blogging kid on the block who is becoming competitive with Twitter. I don't know if this rivalry is gonna be like Coke and Pepsi, but I figured what the heck--it can't hurt, right?

However, I've been wondering what I'm accomplishing by Twittering or Plurking. Are these micro-blogging services benefiting me in any way whatsoever, or are they just massive time wasters like blogs? You've probably asked yourself the same thing gadzillion tradjillion times a second, right?!

Are these services merely toe-curling ego strokes for us? Does anyone care if I ate mangoes for breakfast or howled at the moon? Will faeries loose their wings if I don't twitter or plurk? (I stole this idea from Rich Minx by the way. So I should give her credit I suppose) Should I not be doing something more worthwhile like serving soup to the homeless at the local church? Or romping around in bed in my sexy lingerie with an randy partner?

Nevertheless, I offer you my Plurk Id should you wish to follow or friend me.

Then I'll be able to read every superficial, silly, trivial, meaningless detail of my naughty student's lives, and I will have even more reason to thwack with an elder branch--freshly picked of course for a delicious ceremonial spanking.

Of course, if you do friend or follow me, I'll receive Karma points, and perhaps I can redeem these when I finally meet St. Peter at the famous gate in the sky.

Don't all rush to comment at once.. I don't think my cat can take it!

I'm submitting this to "Humor-blogs.com".

Sex And The Single Blogger

2008-06-11T17:07:00.001-07:00

Class, I had an epiphany after seeing the hit movie "Sex And The Single Girl" the second time! And I must share this epiphany with you. No, an epiphany isn't an exotic orgasm. It's "a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience."

So now that we're on the same page, here goes:

I'm Carrie without my Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha. I need my posse...I need my buddies. Blog-Blond has become a lot like Samantha when she moved to Los(t) Angeles and moved away from her girlfriends and then became fat and despondent. And how would Carrie have made it through her tough times without her pals?

Blogging and writing in general can be a very solitary experience, and it'd be so much more fun to share Blog-Blond with three other humorous lovelies. So I'm considering this change and wondering who would be perfect to blog the characters of Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha since I already have dibs on Carrie.

These bloggers could post when I'm going through another Blog De-tox or whenever, and we could SUPPORT each other like friends do in Sex And The City. The possible candidates wouldn't need to rock their Manolo's and strut their Prada. These bloggers could hang in their skimpy undies and post from their beds. So look over these women in the photo below and ask yourself, "Are you one of my co-bloggers for Blog-Blond? And if so, which one would you like to be?"

If I receive nary a comment or email, then I'll begin my journey to seek my sistahs because your blondalicious teacher needs her homies. My Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha must be somewhere out there in the vast blogosphere.

Oh....if you're not the female gender but still see yourself as one of the above, don't let that stop ya. I'm auditioning without bias. If you already have a blog, so much the better.

And I'm submitting this post to "Humor-blogs.com".

Twitter Gone Wild

2008-05-25T22:08:00.000-07:00

Class, the phenomena of Twitter is astonishing and perhaps a bit over the top, dontcha think? I've been collecting apps for it for some time. However, today I read that Mashable has published many of the same ones I've been collecting and even MORE!

However, you Blondalicious Teacher has some that NOT EVEN Mashable has discovered, and here's why:

they haven't been invented yet!

So I'm gonna reveal to you, my beloved and super delicious students, MY own Twitter apps:

Twitterfunk: a group for those that are plum twittered out

Twittermirror: for those who want to find someone that mirrors them EXACTLY

Twittercircle: those who like to f***with Twitter and post the exact same thing over and over and over and over.....

Twittermania: ok, we know you brush your teeth, take a s***, and so what????

Twitterfeel: for those you'd like to feel up in a sensitive, supportive fashion

Twitterguns: hey, we know you've got the testosterone. Your power shows. Trust me!

Twitter-xiety: a back-up Twitter when Twitter is down--handy for your freak-outs

TweetGrope: for those that feel the need to share a twit group grope

Titter-twitter: laughing behind your back twitter-hood--super secret and private group

Not to be confused with:

Tit-twitter: an alert for those who tweet about the mammary glands...better known as b**bs

Twitter-nonmyous: for burnt-out, ex Twitter-ers

Twebes: the cognoscenti of Twitter users

Twitter-gram: send an old-fashioned telegram to another Twitter user to blow their mind

Twit Tucks: don't even ask...simply use your intuition on this one

I'm submitting this to "Humor-Blogs.com"

Oh, here's the useful 140 Mashable Twitter Tools for you real Tool Bags.

Which includes (probably/maybe) you and me. Oh well!

Twat Out Or Twit Out

2008-05-20T23:47:00.000-07:00

Class: the Twitterers are revolting!

Transformation is happening.

CHANGE is in the air. Butterflies fly to Friend Feed.

WTF!!!!

This goes on "Humor-blogs.com".

Another Quickie--Another Contest

2008-05-19T14:04:00.000-07:00

Class: all you're gonna get from me these days are quickies because I'm working on many other projects. I hope you like quickies as much as I do.

So here's the quickie of the day:

A brand new contest from Copyblogger! You only have until 5:00 PM CST this Friday, May 23, 2008 to enter it. Of course, your blondalicious teacher is going to as she loves to win things.

You don't know this, but I entered a writing contest last year, and even though I didn't win anything but being published, it was fun, fast, and really cool to WIN! Yay for me!

This contest involves Twitter, and here's the link to enter.

Be sure to let me know if you win because I love to be proud of my naughty students. You might even receive a cyber spanking from me if you win. Won't that be a great perk?

Is Social Networking Driving You Crazy?

2008-05-16T10:48:00.000-07:00

Class, you must be asking yourselves, "Can I really be seeing this for real--Blondie is posting twice in two days?"
Bizarre....I know!

However, I wanted to share this hilarious video with you to give you some laughs and food for thought. How much TIME do you invest in social networking? Is it worth it?

I'm adding this post to Humor-Blogs.com.

I'm In Love With A Tiny Thing

2008-05-15T15:54:00.000-07:00

Class, as you well know I've been taking a prolonged vacation, but that doesn't mean I've been inactive. Oh no-- your blondalicious teacher has been researching and studying and burning the famous midnight oil...that is, when I'm not doing other naughty things.

And I'm back to share about my latest love. Maybe you'll love the tiny thing too.

Yes, it's tiny, but OH IS IT BIG!

What I'm referring to is the Tiny URL.

What the Tiny URL does for me is a miracle! It shortens those horrible long, long addresses. And it does it all in a second! So instead of typing in those tedious story links oneself, all one does is copy and paste and voila--there is your link! And this link is so easy to copy into your Twitter updates or your Mixx submissions.

Oh, yes....I've also discovered Mixx and love it so much more than Digg for many reasons! One reason is that the ratio works for me: for every five stories you submit, the etiquette (or is it the rules?) is that you can then submit one of your very own, and thanks to the adorable and useful Tiny URL I've submitted four stories so far... so I'm nearly there.

If you're a Mixxer, I'm known as Kuanyin333 on Mixx.

Mixx gives Karma Points, and I've always liked the idea of karma....especially the kind of karma where the bad people get theirs! Yeh!

Your Mixx submissions can even go into your Twitter feed now. Or so Mixx announced, but I have yet to see my Mixx submissions appear in my Twitter. Grump!

Another new site I've discovered but haven't had much time to explore is Second Brain which is billing itself as "the first complete social aggregator". If you sign up now, you have a chance to win a MacBook Air and other cool prizes. So you know me, I signed up! Your ever hopeful teacher wants to finally win an online prize!

If I win it, I know whom I'm giving it to--someone that really needs it far more than me!

After all, I'm in love...and there's nothing that feels so good as spreading it around!

I'm submitting this to Humor Blogs.com.

They might recall who I am!

Why Did The Blogger Cross The Road?

2008-03-20T17:41:00.000-07:00

Class, I know you don't give a rat's a$$ that I've been m.i.a., but I'm back once more to let you know I'll be on Spring Break for the next month or two or...

Since I assume most of my students are doing the same--acting trampy and going berserk on Spring Break--and with the weird world being what it is, who knows if our paths will cross in the Quasi-Surreal World which is quaintly titled Reality?!

Should you recognize someone that looks like me, pretend you don't know me because your Blondalicious and Ever-So-Quirky teacher prefers to remain anonymous, ok??? I want to completely forget about blogging for a long while. You could argue that's exactly what I've been doing as I haven't posted here regularly for some time, but that's beside the point.

In the meantime, I may log on somewhere in Florida or the Caribbean to see what my naughty students are up to and how much more cringe-worthy you're behaving than me. So post all your scandalous, retarded, disgusting photos!

The answer to the riddle of the title to this post is: Because S/He Can!!!!

The benefit of NOT working for blog advertising dollars is FREEDOM!

Peace Out!

Don't you agree, "Mr. Humor-Blogs.com"?

Three Lessons I've Learned About Blogging While Recuperating

2008-02-23T16:38:00.001-08:00

Class: I've heard the rumors I was abducted, but alas, they aren't true! I've simply been taking a restful holiday from educating my naughty students and replenishing myself for another go of posting. One of the many joys of blogging for me is the freedom: you can stop when you want to and begin when you want. How many other areas of your life can you say this about?!

If you're zero concerned about advertising revenue, fame, popularity, net statistics, or keeping an audience, then you're in the FREE-ZONE!

And that's where your Blondalicious Teacher is in--the Free-Zone! It's sweet, let me tell ya!

Certainly I've been checking-in and checking-up on the Blogosphere and observing much folly and work for what??? Dropping Entrecards? Comments? Audience-Smaudience! I've got a LIFE which I'm very happy to have, and I'm germinating all kinds of ideas and creativity within this life. One of these days I will get out there and crack the whip again.

Now that I've got this 'splanation off my extra large chest, here are Three Lessons I've Learned About Blogging:

1. If you want to become a HUGELY popular blogger, you need an angle or a niche. It also helps to be controversial and have a lot of friends who spread word of mouth about your blog. Case in point: Stuff White People Like

Notice this blog was only begun in January of 2008, and already there are hundreds of comments on each post. Notice the sidebar is free of most widgets and links. Notice the number of hits.

2. If you want to sell a book or a calendar or whatever from your blog, build your audience FIRST! Unless you've already built an audience, it's rather lame to start marketing from the get-go. You look rather desperate, and there's nothing a bigger turn-off than desperation. I won't use a desperate example of any blog here because I'm compassionate.

3. If you want to gain an audience and you're not an already famous pundit or celebrity or columnist, post photos, photos, and more photos! Too many words scare people away. Most blog-readers don't have time to read, but images capture their interest. If they like your images, they may slow down enough to read. Case in point: the blog Confessions of a Pioneer Woman

Notice the photos. They're everywhere. Of course, the writing is entertaining, but I'm convinced it's the photos which have made this blog super popular.

So there you have it in a nutshell: Create a niche blog. Hold off on the marketing until successful. Post lots of photos and/or images.

Over and out! Oh, "Mr. Humor-Blogs.com", congrats on your new enterprise.

Blog-Blond Shares Valentine Love

2008-02-14T17:26:00.000-08:00

Class: I've been a derelict teacher and m.i.a. Tis true! I've been dealing with Health Stuff and Spring Fever and Too Much of Everything and Blogging Boredom and Miracle Making and Blog Conspiraries and Britney Counseling. Whew! Bizzzy daze!

Once I get my s*** together again, I plan to rock on with this blog and give you MORE great blog tips & sassy, sexy humor!

Today I'm thinking of all you A+ students/bloggers/colleagues who have checked-in to see how their favorite teacher is faring--and I'm posting this YouTube link for all of ya!

Turn up the volume and KNOW your Blondalicious Teacher Will Return.

Take that to the bank, Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com".

Click here for the link.

Mentor Me With Care

2008-01-29T13:05:00.000-08:00

Class: I've received this beautiful BLOGGING MENTOR award from Sue of Blogging Sueblimely who created it with the idea of honoring our blogging mentors. Since I feel so strongly about this subject, I have to pull myself out of hiding/partying/goofing-off/healing (take your pick!) and pass this beautiful, snazzy award onto others who've mentored me.

I'm going to include those that have pestered me to get back into the blog game, those that have inspired me, and those that are such characters that I've got zero clue as to what drives them. They're forces of nature on the blogosphere.

A note before I get started listing these bloggers is: beginning on January 30th, there will be a HUGE blog dinner party carnival all over the blogosphere, and were it not for Kilroy, I probably would have been a slacker and not contributed. But he's such a sweet pest, I couldn't resist, and so some of my blog posts are included in this upcoming carnival.

This Carnival will be an on-going event, and so if you'd like to get your posts into the next one for February, sign-up by entering your posts now. Go to Kilroy's blog and follow the crumbs to the carnival. As I don't need to tell you AGAIN (thwack, thwack!), the more you get around and promote your blogs, eventually you'll find a good readership for your blogs.

Read Kilroy's excellent post on this subject by clicking here.

My honorees:

Sueblimely
Fresh Perspectives
RennyBA's Terella
Kilroy The Gonzo Papers
Barcelona Photoblog
Life In The Fast Lane
Blog Bloke
Billion Dollar Baloney
Maui Girls' Meanderings
Lifecruiser

Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com": what about you? Do you have mentors?

Memed Again!

2008-01-22T09:58:00.000-08:00

Class: I confess I've become a slacker teacher. I just can't seem to find my old edge and desire to teach and boss you around like I once did. Were it not for blog buddies, I might disappear into the anti-blogosphere (or maybe a parallel blogosphere). However, there is always at least one of you that always pulls me back to post again.

This time it's Mimi from Mimi Writes who tagged me for the Love-Hate Meme. And since she's the Blog Queen, I must obey! I can play submissive every now and then...

1. I LOVE TO EAT: Eggs Benedict for breakfast.

2. I HATE TO EAT: smiling cupcakes!

3. I LOVE TO GO: to the horse races. And place a bet or two. OR THREE!
4. I HATE TO GO: hang out with the polar bears. There's not enough ice left for all of us, plus it's way too cold for my hot blood. Brrr!

5. I LOVE IT WHEN: I'm invited to a forest, faery dance on the Full Moon. The faeries really know how to party!
6. I HATE IT WHEN: I'm not smelling roses. I love the fragrance from REAL roses, not hot-house roses that don't smell!
7. I LOVE TO SEE: my reflection. What would I do without mirrors? I'd have to RETURN to checking myself out in water again?! OMG!

8. I HATE TO SEE: photos and stories about cruelty to others, especially peaceful, loving monks!
9. I LOVE TO HEAR: I've got a gift from you....and I open the box to see a beautiful ring which of course is one of those diamonds that is "an ecologically and socially responsible jewelry alternative" from Green Karat. There's nothing as alluring as one who's generous, aware, and fair. 10. I HATE TO HEAR:

And I am tagging:

Dirty Bitch Society
Olga The Traveling Bra
Billion Dollar Baloney

And don't forget to check out "Humor-Blogs.com"!

The Band Meme Plays On

2008-01-15T17:16:00.000-08:00

Class: I've always liked people that are OUT THERE-- ya know those who are unusual, a tad eccentric, artistic, courageous and creative.

And Olga The Traveling Bra is definitely OUT THERE in a BIG way if ya know what I mean.

So since she tagged me for this band meme, I gotta play along...because it's THE Famous Olga, the traveling bra and the ONLY traveling bra I know.

I'm copying the way this meme works from her page...hope she doesn't mind. Naw, since SHE designed the album cover for me, I'm sure she won't mind! But I'll put it in quotes--just in case!

"Here's the deal:

The Band Meme
You are about to have your own band and create it's album cover!

Follow these directions to the letter.

It's fun and requires no thought at all.

Go to......
1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

2. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four words of the very last quote is the

title of your album.

3. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4. Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together and

make your band's album cover."

And Ta Da! Here is mine!

Since you can't run out and buy my music, you can at least pass the meme on. Remember a meme isn't deadly like a virus, so it won't hurt anyone. I plan to do a sneak attack on some new blogs I discovered and tag them, but since they don't know your Blondalicious Teacher yet, they may go, "Say What?! Who is this Blog-Blond weirdo?!" But I'm gonna do it anyway plus hit on some of my golden oldie blog buddies too. Gotta share the L-O-V-E! Don't you agree, Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com"?

Where Does Your Blog Go When You Die?

2008-01-14T13:20:00.000-08:00

Class: I'm still in the world of the living!

Never fear. I'll always come back here. I like to crack the whip too much...trust me!

As a matter of fact, every day since December 28, 2007, I remind myself: "I must return to my class!", and then other things require my attention, and before you know it, I've once again successfully procrastinated posting. I drink yet another glass of Cristal and promptly repress my guilt.

The amount of repressed guilt over my posting procrastination has grown and grown. Even when I receive so many prestigious blog awards (which I usually toss into the Blog Blond Media Center after profusely thanking whomever for giving me the award), I keep myself busy doing a gadzillion other FUN things.

Until today.

And here's why:

I received yet another FAB blog award (Part Deux) from the Dirty Bitch Society, and all of a sudden, it struck me that your very own blondalicious teacher's blog, Blog-Blond, has been perceived and/or categorized as...ahem, a SEX blog!

Shocker!

I never imagined in all my kinkiest blog fantasies I would be considered a part of this outrageous world, and I'm somewhat (not completely) relieved I've been outed! As a matter of fact, I thought Blog-Blond was in hiding--very comfortable in her closet in her black thigh high silk boots with no one even noticing my edge. My perceived image is I am a Blog Teacher sweetly handing out hot, juicy blog tips!

After all, I made sure that Blog-Blond's Header had a leopard-skin wrap COMPLETLY covering her butt! I perceived the Blondalicious as a Sexy Teacher yes! As a sex blog, well....no!

But then the Dirty Bitch Society had to go and out me, and so it is that I've been propelled into deep contemplation about this blog, such as:

Where Does Your Blog Go When You Die?

Does Some Blog Stuff Need To Remain Unsaid?

How Much Guppy Food Do You Need To FEED A Blog To Up Your Alexa Ratings?

Is Technorati Fair and Balanced like Fox?

Is Discretion The Better Part of Posting?

How Do I Behave As A Newly Outed Blog?

And so on and so forth with other such profound thoughts.

What a way to greet '08! Feedback, my dear class. Give me feedback. What KIND of blog is Blog-Blond anyway? Is she schizo? Weird? Kinky? Alluring? Suggestive? Smart? Helpful? Wayward? Negligent?

What do you think about this development, Mr. "Humor-blogs.com"?

My 2007 Hits--a Favorite Five Meme

2007-12-28T11:05:00.000-08:00

Class, it's that time of year to look back and review what we did right and what we did wrong! I was finished with this yearly folly after writing yesterday's post were it not for my Australian buddy Sueblimely of the blog Blogging Sublimely who tagged me for a meme!

This Favorite Five Meme asked me to:

1. Post 5 links to 5 of your previously written posts. The posts have to relate to the 5 key words : family, friend, yourself, your love, anything you like.

2. Tag 5 other friends to do this meme. Try to tag at least 2 new acquaintances so that you get to know them each a little bit better.

Thus, I was FORCED by FRIENDSHIP to review the Blog-Blond posts once again!

What is it about reading your old posts that makes one want to gag? Or is that gagging thing 'just me'?

But I played-along, and here are my results:

1. First, the post which references family. Of course, I had to choose a post which references our galactic family. You know me. I'm weird. This post is titled Galactic Blogger Origins.

2. Second, the post which references friend. And since I've got lots of friends since I'm so hugely popular, I'll use this post of mine titled "Blog Against Abuse Day--Humor Bloggers" wherein I come to the defense of my humor blogger friends.

3. Third, the post which is about yourself. Since everything is always about me-me-me, all my posts are REALLY about myself in one way or another, but for the sake of being a little less obviously narcissistic, I'll choose this one titled "Blogging In Bed and Preferences Poll".

4. Fourth, a post about your love. This is probably the hardest one of all to choose because I love everyone and everything (yes, I'm a secret saint, but shssss...don't tell anyone, ok? The earth drama of good and bad has to continue for just a little while longer, so we have to pretend to dislike, be bad, and hate, etc., but we really know it's just an illusion (The Matrix), right?) Thus, I will choose my Valentine's post titled "Happy Valentine's Day". Be sure to click the link.

5. Fifth, a post about anything you like. My choice for this one will be "How To Get Six Pack Blog Abs".

Whew! I'm glad that part is over, and now I will INVITE ANY FIVE others who may or may not play along with me. Memes aren't all that appropriate for some of my blog friends, but what the h**, if they don't wanna play, I'm fine with this.

So IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO WANTS TO PLAY ALONG? Please come and play! There...I invited you! I don't suppose Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com" wants to play in that he's too busy managing his humor blog empire.

Here's some bloggers I'm inviting just in case:

Olga The Traveling Bra
Miss Cellania
Wiping The Crazy Off My Face
Dan's Blah Blah Blog
Central Snark

The Evolution of Blog-Blond

2007-12-27T12:14:00.000-08:00

Class, after I finished reading the masterful post by Brian Clark of Copyblogger with the summation of his blog over the past year titled "The Best of Copyblogger in 2007", I asked myself some HARD questions.

What has Blog-Blond blog achieved? How has Blog-Blond evolved? Am I becoming a better blogger or just a kinkier, lazier one? Where have I been with my blog, and more importantly--where am I going?

I decided to whittle down the results in a series of pictures for the Main Stages of Blog-Blond. You will easily see how Blog-Blond has evolved-- since pictures speak louder than words.

The first picture is a drawing by your very own blondalicious teacher as she was learning the art of blogging. She was obsessed, consumed, and more than a little bit crazy as her pea brain was challenged by all the new blog lingo and technology. The blogosphere was daunting to your teacher in the First Stage!

The second photo depicts the stage of Blog-Blond's evolvement when she became the tough-as-nails taskmaster.... with perhaps more of an s & m edge if the truth were to be told.
Photo credit: Mel Lindstrom

The third drawing represents the darker, sexier stage of B-B because of the many trials and tribulations!! Blogging is lots of hard work!
And finally, where do I project Blog-Blond going in 2008? Since I've been fielding reality show offers, book deals, and a sh**** movie here and there, I figure I might as well be the first women blogger to go on the cover of Maxim magazine. Why not?! It'll be ground breaking! I rather like this style on the cover of Maxim, but of course, I'd have to add my thigh-high black silk stiletto boots!

What do you think about this idea, Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com"?

Blog-Blond Comes A-Calling On Christmas

2007-12-24T16:11:00.000-08:00

And for you, Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com", keep up your good work! You're totally Hard Core!

The Three Biggest Blog Lessons I Learned In 2007

2007-12-18T12:45:00.000-08:00

My dearest (remaining) class members, I have three valuable insights to impart to you in these remaining days of 2007, and I'm titling this post: The Three Biggest Blog Lessons I Learned In 2007. Listen UP!

1. The Only Sure Thing Is Change

Blogs come and go. Some of my favorite bloggers moved on this year to paying gigs. This made me a trifle sad because I really enjoyed their blogs, and yet I've learned there is a time for blogging, and a time for earning!

Page Ranks come and go. Readership comes and goes. Popularity comes and goes. You can bet your sweet a$$ that at some point you too will COME and go! C'est la vie!

So my hard-earned lesson which I learned when pneumonia sidelined me this year and my Alexa ranking went down, down, down, and my readership dropped, and comments became few and far between is this: don't get too hung-up on your blogs. After all, they are merely BLOGS! Of much more importance is your health, your relationships, and your peace of mind.

2. Blog Buddies Are Priceless

During my Blog Down Days (B.D.D.), receiving an email from one of them checking-up on me was absolutely priceless and made my day! People prove who they really are when you're down and out. These special people are the icing on the cake! So take the time to GROW some real blog buddies. They will prove to be the REAL reason you are blogging....and not because you have a fantasy of earning substantial income from your blogs. 2007 was the year many bloggers likely learned this lesson too!

3. Practice Makes Perfect

If you keep posting, you will notice that your fingers hit the right keys on your keyboard with more accuracy, right? You will notice that you find your blog voice, right? You will notice that some days you're on and some days you're off, right? Some days your muse is with you, and at other times, she has run off to Brazil with the pool boy, right?

KEEP PRACTICING! Eventually, you will find your stride, your rhythm, and your way through the B.D.D. Blogging is more than anything a practice....an offering to the Crazy Blog Gods which demonstrate your willingness to share yourself with the world. You WILL perfect your blog game if you're disciplined and diligent.

So Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com"
I hope you're having a festive and fun season.

Remaining Class Pervs: Your Blondalicious Teacher Loves You! Happy Holy Daze!

Dear Santa--Here's My List!

2007-12-02T19:48:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa,

You remember last year when we cuddled up in bed on this blog, and I shared some of your gnarliest secrets with my readers and we had a jolly good laugh? And you told me at that time that I could have ANYTHING I wanted...remember? Well, here is my Christmas wish list, and I expect you to deliver on time.

Since the story goes that you see everything and know everything, I guess you already know that I've been BOTH naughty 'n nice. But here's the way I look at it: this concept of n & n is a relative one. Sometimes being naughty is REALLY nice if you know what I mean jellybean.

Blog-Blond's Christmas Wish List:

1. A Facebook Rule Book

For example, if someone pokes me, am I expected to Super Poke them back? Or am I merely supposed to be a tease and throw some weird thing at them? A rule book would be so helpful.

While you're at it, would you have your elves clean up my Facebook and make all those annoying invitations and people I don't even know who want to be my friend disappear? Maybe I'd start liking Facebook again if I wasn't so besieged!

2. Handcuffs For My Muse

Last year my muse ran off with the pool boy to do aya in Brazil, and I was p.o'd! How could I write these posts without my Muse? I finally tracked her down, and she was like totally out of it and hanging out with a 4-th dimensional green lizard which I had to slay to get her back, and now that I've got her back, I want to make sure she stays with me so I can write funny again.

Thus, a pair of cute, 24- carat -gold chain handcuffs to keep her with me is an absolute necessity. That seductive green lizard is so beguiling and strong I don't wanna have to battle with it again! My Jimmy Choo black silk thigh-high boots aren't looking so good after all that lizard s***-kicking! Throw some of those in under the tree too!

3. Mega Energy

Santa dahling....as you well know, those who are jealous of the success of Blog-Blond managed to put a major crimp in my posting the second part of this year!

First, the jealous ones lured my Muse away through the artifice of a hunky pool boy who read my Muse Oscar Wilde fairy tales by candlelight, and then they whammied me by stealing my energy and putting me in the godawful hospital! I know they'll get their comeuppance because what goes around is a sure thing--a Law of the Universe.

But in the meantime, I want Mega Energy so that I can post on ALL my blogs at least three times a week AND have enough energy left over to play extra naughty. After all, I've got to catch up for lost time and FUN!

4. A Blog-Blond Reality Show

Yes, you read that right! Since all those television writer's are still striking and Hollywood won't be producing any segments of all the popular sitcom's for who knows how long and since the Hollywood producers/sharks are desperately searching for product to put on the air with tawdry reality shows, I think Blog-Blond should become the hot new Reality Show.

I won't give away the details in this post, but I have great ideas, and so if you're reading this and you're one of those desperate Hollywood producers/sharks, call me and we'll have lunch. If you throw enough moolah my way, I'll give you the pitch.

And Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com", what is on YOUR list?

The Blond Lives To Tell The Tale!

2007-11-12T17:28:00.000-08:00

Students--many of you have wondered about your absentee teacher. Had she abandoned you? Your emails and pleas for blog help have not gone unnoticed by me, but truth be told, your sassy, blondalicious teacher has been dealing with a major health crisis!

And during this crisis, my funny bone was broken. I couldn't even find it it was so broken. However, I know I'm on my way back from pushing up daisies because I've discovered my funny bone/muse again tucked away in the strangest place (but that's another long story), and friends and family have me laughing once again. This is a good sign.

My lifestyle has changed. Instead of drinking Cristal, I'm drinking pomegranate kefir. No more late nights either. Petting my cat is my main form of exercise. Sometimes I add up all the monies spent on doctor's bills, meds, and other healing aids for kicks.

The primary reason I'm posting is to let all of you, my adorable students, know that soon I'll be back in my thigh-high black silk boots to kick some blog ass!!! If you don't subscribe to Blog-Blond (as you well should!), you can learn about my updates as I'll post them on Twitter.

I want ya'll to know what a stand-up fellow Blog-Bloke is as he offered to post for me while I've been away, so a great big shout-out and a rousing applause should go to him. However, I didn't take him up on his kind offer because I felt it would be too much of an imposition.

And how do you like this post, Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com"?

My Meeting With St. Paul

2007-10-24T13:11:00.000-07:00

Class, as some of you know, I've not been playing hooky and having fun, fun, fun! Oh no, I've been battling a vicious virus. Yesterday was the first day I've been somewhat lucid. The rest of the time has been spent in blog bardo where candidates for crossing-over hang-out....not a great place, I assure you. But an educational place nonetheless.

So since I'm the sassy, impatient type--the blondalicious teacher you've grown to love--I decided to knock on Heaven's Gate and call-out St. Peter to see whassup. Was this my time to go to Heaven? I wanted answers.

Here's some of our conversation:

Blog-Blond: Hey, I've been an industrious, diligent blogger and have been quite addicted to the sport of it. Is there any way I can blog in Heaven should I feel the urge? Are there Heavenly Bloggers?

St. Peter: I'm quite sorry to inform you we're not set up for bloggers. See that pile of rubble over there? {He pointed to a large junk pile} In that pile, you'll discover many shiny Google Vanity rings, Page Rank Status shrinkage scores, Technorati Authority scores, Alexa graphs, and many, many blog dreams.

Blog-Blond: {Horrified!} You mean I can't even take the satisfaction of doing a good job with me to Heaven? I understand about the Google Rings because Google has alienated lots of bloggers by lowering their page rank. But you'd think all of us who were just blogging for the joy of it should be able to take this joy with us.

St. Peter: Oh you can take the joy with you alright. No problemo! BUT if there is any false ego, money desires, narcissism, schemes to win friends, and/or piss-off your enemies, all of these will be stripped off the joy. Only the joy will go with you.

Blog-Blond: No wonder you're not set-up for bloggers in Heaven!

And what do you think, Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com"

Heard It Through The Blogvine--Is Big Brother OnThe Move?

2007-10-10T18:43:00.000-07:00

Class, as you WELL know your blondalicious teacher is all over the blogosphere. Sometimes I leave comments....sometimes I don't. Sometimes I read on my RSS reader...sometimes I read your posts I've favorited on Technorati. Sometimes I just surf around letting my blog nose lead me to juicy stuff. You never know where I'll show up!

And it's this way that I sniff out the blogsosphere Zeitgeist. Since some of my new students might fathom I'm unaware as judged by a recent bizarre comment left for me and to which I responded with another comment (while I kicked this idiotic commenter's astral a$$ all the way beyond Pluto!), I may play stupid like Pamela Anderson or other famous blonde's (and yes, I KNOW the word 'blond' is sometimes spelled 'blonde' and who really gives a shit?!), but you know how much I love to tease and play!!! And if you were able to read that sentence and grok what I meant, come play with me! Let's trade linkz!

This is why I read many, many blogs....everything from the big boyz like Shoemoney & Chow (baby!)to Andy Beard to blogs that are totally heart-driven to tech blogs. I read posts by lonesome bloggers, hungry bloggers, grouchy bloggers, whiny bloggers, needy bloggers, funny bloggers, well-meaning bloggers, ambitious money-hungry bloggers and pathetic bloggers where I'm the only showing up for the post party. But that's me. I AM the BLONDALICIOUS teacher. This is my job and my passion. Correction: one of my MANY passions!

The point I'm trying to make is this:

Lately I've read many posts by bloggers who are concerned about the loss of their former Google Page Rank status because they say they've been penalized for using Text Link advertising on their blogs. Some are really quite upset such as Bryan of One Man's Goal.

He's one of many. How do you feel about this?

Personally, I gave up on most advertising long ago when I realized that most blog advertising revenue was just Chump Change, but I understand that others are more driven than me. I'm still waiting for My Prince Charming with Big Bucks to sponsor my blog. Some bloggers actually do quite well with text link ads and other ads, even though most smaller bloggers don't see that kind of success.

How do you feel about this serious matter, Mr. "Humor-blogs.com"?

That's How I Roll

2007-10-08T14:32:00.000-07:00

Class, your once-very-sick teacher is now back in the classroom and cracking the whip! And guess what? I don't even need a doctor's report because I'm the teacher! And teachers can get by with all sort of s***. In this case, my down-time is all true, and I've really, really not been out clubbing and carousing!

With even more time away from you-- my beloved students--I've accumulated a back-log of homework for you...should you be diligent and industrious! Did I hear a groan? Good, that's what I want to hear because when I considered your homework assignment, I groaned and thought:

Who has time for ALL this?

Whom can I hire for a BLOG-JOB?

Why bother?

What's it worth to me?

When will I do this...when the proverbial hell freezes over?
Answer: Most Likely!

Will my naughty students do their homework?
Answer: Not likely!

What were these people thinking who compiled these lists?

Who are these people who compiled these lists--some new species of nerd/geek borgs?

Who gives the best blog-jobs?

Why is blogging beginning to feel like *gasp* work?

Where does blogging and obligation fit?

Why doesn't someone pitch-in and do this boring stuff for me? :Grump:

My thoughts may seem a tad toxic, but THAT'S HOW I ROLL!

What do you expect from a teacher who's been stuck in bed????

Your homework/mission should you choose to accept it:

5000 Resources To Do Just About Anything Online (except help me out of course!)

55 Active RSS Directories To Help Promote Your Blog (load up a case of Red Bull!)

And for a good read of a blogger's wake-up call, read this post which I discovered via Deborah via Facebook. When you read it, I'm sure many of you will be able to relate. I sure did. And I too disabled comments for a period of time on some of my blogs....but then I enabled them again and just stopped obsessing about them.

After having released the posting and comment-craving desires, I felt much bettah--you know that one, right?! It was like I was ME again. Free again!

I'm sure you totally understand this Mr. "Humor-blogs.com"?

Blog World Expo Contest

2007-10-01T13:24:00.000-07:00

Class, your teacher is a bit under the weather, so I'm gonna make this post a brief one. I'm entering this silly contest just because my favorite blog curmudgeon/blogger Blog Bloke shared with me that he might be speaking at the upcoming Blog World Event in Las Vegas, and I wanna meet him in the flesh.

Even though I just recently returned from Las Vegas, there are many other bloggers I'd like to check-out as well at this November event, so your blondalicious teacher is going for it! Perhaps you might like to enter as well? First, you need to have at least one of your blogs accepted at Fuel My Blog. That's step one.

Next, you have to post this:

"To enter you need to the following simple steps:-

1. Create a post on your blog by copying/pasting the following text

"If I win fuelmyblog's prize and win the ticket to go to BlogWorld Expo, I would like to be introduced to Mike Arrington"

2. Replace the XXXX's with one of the following names (have linked their blogs if you don't recognise their names):-

Mike Arrington, Jason Calacanis, Arianna Huffington, Leo Laporte, Matt Mullenweg, Will Leitch, Dave Taylor, Aaron Wall

3. Tag your post fuelmyblog and blogworldexpo and send us a link to the post here with your fuelmyblog user name."

Should I win, I plan to come in deep disguise as I always do--it's much more fun this way! Don't you agree, Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com"?

P.S. Ya'll been really pushing me with the spam comments. I've let some through because they're (mostly) legit. I'll write more about how I get suckered into letting some spam comments through in another post.

Even MORE Ways To Make Fellow Bloggers Hate You

2007-09-29T11:47:00.000-07:00

Class, I've been tagged by illustrious blogger, Sueblimely of Discovering Blogging, with the theme started by Mihaela Lica of the Dog Yard titled, "10 Ways to Make Your Fellow Bloggers Hate You."

Of course, these two bloggers have already scored the major hate-inducing habits of bad bloggers, so I'm left with crumbs. But being the Good (Blondalicious) Sport which I am and owing Sue many, many favors, I'll do my best to carry on with this theme.

However, I suggest you read their lists after you've read mine, and should you be misbehaving and using any of these techniques/habits/tricks, you might want to re-consider. I'm not saying my Uncle Vinnie's gonna come knocking on your door because he only does that for major crimes, but if you want to be more accepted, popular, and less-hated, these lists are major clues! Google Surveillance is strong these days, and trust me, you don't wanna get on Google's Bad Side. Capisce?

Carrying on with this important theme:

21. Posting videos of yourself all the time! Oh puh-lease! I'm weary of seeing your mug talking to the camera. Get over yourself! Once in awhile I like to see your mug so I can goof on you when I have nothing better to do, but don't make yourself talking to the camera a habit.

22. Don't endlessly complain about other bloggers ripping you off. Sure, they probably are (the dirty rats!), but that's because your information is so generic, it's easy to make it look like it could be written by them. If you have a unique 'voice' in your posts, other bloggers will recognize the ripped-off posts as yours, and they'll come a-tattling to you.

23. Don't be trying to sell me something. It seems some of the top blogs have agendas...have you noticed this?! I'm not impressed. Your mad selling skillzz leave me cold and wary.

24. Don't announce through Blog Catalog every last frigging time you've made a new post! Sure, I want to read your exceptional post, but don't bug me with announcements. And don't use the pity-plea that no one is visiting your site. It's a miracle any of us have readers considering what's going on in the world!

25. Don't compliment me in a comment, and then leave a link to your blog. This is NOT the way to work-it baby!

26. If you wanna shizzle my nizzle, you gotta keep your blog uncluttered. If I see a cluttered, messy blog with too much going-on & poorly laid-out, I don't stick around. Whatcha trying to do to me with all that confusion? Confuse me? Sell me? Hah!

27. Ego in a blog totally turns me off. I have Ego-dar, and I can sniff it instantly. If you're effing awesome, everyone will know it. And this means keep your photos of yourself hanging out with celebrities on your My Space blog if you hafta brag.

28. I don't want to read a LONG, long post. Hit me with your best stuff, and bottom-line me!

29. Viewing ads all over your blog and one BIG AD at the top where the header should be is stooopid & uglifying. Your BFF should have told you this by now! Or do you have one?

30. Do you have anything better to do with your posts than running YET another contest? Contests are fine if that is the focus of your blog, but if not, don't keep barraging me with another contest.

I'm so exhausted writing this post, I'm gonna go to the beach and relax. And if anyone who wants to add more to this list, join on in!

Hope you're having a Kick Ass Weekend!

And Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com", I send you warm greetings of Aloha.

Blog Against Abuse Day--Humor Bloggers

2007-09-27T11:13:00.000-07:00

Class, if you're staying current with the Blogosphere, you know that today is Blog Against Abuse Day, and bloggers are posting about their specific abuse topics. I don't wish to miss out on this opportunity to bitch about the abuse of Humor Bloggers. Why aren't we taken seriously? Why aren't we given more respect?

We probably lower your blood pressure WAY more than the bloggers who post about "how to make money blogging" and "hot blogging tips" (which usually aren't so blazing hot once you've put them into action and seen the results!).

We don't put you to sleep and bore you to tears like business bloggers.

We ignite your juices, exercise your smile muscles, and we work out your abs because you're laughing so hard.

Therefore, I propose that Humor Bloggers should be The Way To Start Your Day! Read one of your favorite humor blogs (or more), and begin your day in a healthier fashion. Leave the doom- and- gloom blogs, the business blogs, and the hot- blogging- tips blogs to right before bedtime so that you'll FAST fall to sleep.

What say you, Mr. "Humor-blogs.com"?